lucymorningstar: (Blue)
[personal profile] lucymorningstar
Someone on a different social media site asked me the other day 'how does your relationship work' and I was completely stumped. How do you answer that question? My reply at the time was a smart-ass 'same as any two-person monogamous relationship, just that there's three of us'

But I've been thinking about that question a lot and how to answer it.

The number one thing? Love. Between all of us, all three of us and all three two-somes. J&S have their night on a Tuesday when I'm at support group meet, I spent Thursdays with S when she's not teaching and Saturday has always been me and J's time together. We have a weekly date night on a Friday when we all go out - usually a meal and a movie and Sunday afternoons is always family time.

Honesty - and communication. Kind of obvious, I would have thought. But it goes without saying, there's no lies between us, no secrets. No saying "It's fine" or "I'm OK" when that's not the truth. We talk everything out. Cliche as it may be, never go to bed on an argument or angry.
And arguments do happen, sometimes big and sometimes small. We're all only people after all.

No intentional comparison of the past or talking about Ex's unless we have to. J's ex-wife is still on the peripheral of our lives through their son, and C is part of our lives so yes, his mum gets brought up in conversation. And yes, S gets jealous at times but she doesn't lie about it - J and his ex shared something that J&S don't. Again it's down to honesty and communication and considering other peoples feelings.

There's a very important word. Sorry. And meaning it when you say it. And saying it when you mean it.

We're all very affectionate. And, really, is there anything better than being cuddled up with two pretty damn hot people? Kisses and cuddles and sex are definitely still part of our lives.

Now, if we're talking about how the... other part of our relationship works - that's a whole lot simpler. S is Dominant, J's a switch (probably about 70% sub/30% Dom) and I'm a sub. Most of the time, we're both submitting to S... sometimes I'm submitting to J too - sometimes just J. We have our likes and dislikes and they all mostly gel nicely together. We've been doing this long enough after all heh
We don't just have kinky sex though - regular vanilla sex is just as much fun.

There's more to it than just that but that's kind of the basics of it. Surely the same can be said for most healthy relationships?

Date: 2016-10-20 11:07 pm (UTC)
keplers_angels: (Default)
From: [personal profile] keplers_angels
I appreciate this little run down. It seems obvious and yet I think we mainly-monogs can find it all a bit exotic and fascinating.

Since you have volunteered to talk about it, I wonder if i may ask, if it isn't too personal a question, if it feels like there is an alpha in your relationship. That is, one of you is the crux of the three more than either of the others, if affections and lust etc are equally balanced. Do you feel as strongly connected and attracted to both S and J? And do they both feel an equal share of these emotions to you as to the other? Not that all the relationships are not valid and distinct, but I guess I wonder if there doesn't seem to be one member who is a hinge and the other two are not so strongly connected.

And I do ask this out of curiosity. not judgement, and do not wish to infer anything from it about the validity of your union.

It's only that I have been on so many sides of imbalanced biamorous relationships and have often wondered if a third player might not make things more reasonable and acceptable in the precisely right position.

Date: 2016-10-28 10:51 pm (UTC)
keplers_angels: (Default)
From: [personal profile] keplers_angels
Hi, sorry for delayed response. Yes, I think this does answer my questions.

I really appreciate your answering. (I felt a bit prying and voyeuristic).

It sounds rather lovely in its complexity. I'm bi, and have not always been so good at monogamy, and have often wondered if the right combination of more than two might not be something I was better suited for. It never happened and I'm extraordinarily happy in my current monogamous thing. But I still have an academic and romantic sort of interest.

Croeso!

I'm Lucy, a 30-something woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing.

I'm bisexual and poly, living in North Wales with my partners J&S. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

I haved lived for so long under the shadow of a number of mental health diagnoses, letting them define me rather than just be part of me. For too long I've been "Lucy the Schizo" and I want to find out who 'Lucy' is
+
Welcome aboard my journey. I'm glad you're here and looking forward to getting to know you as we get to know me!

♥ Current Obsessions ♥
Aliens. Angels. Bullet Journals. Cryptozoology. Dinosaurs. Doctor Who. Fanfiction. Knitting. Marvel. Space. Time travel. Wonder Woman.

Tags

Style Credit