lucymorningstar: (Sunbeam)
Today being Thursday was my regular day with S. A lot of it is unrepeatable in polite company but lets say we enjoyed ourselves a lot, many times over. Starting with a lay in, then most of the morning in bed, then a shower. Followed by another shower and fluffy warm towels.
You can't go wrong starting the day like that, not really.

We ambled around town - mostly because I was looking for a dot grid notebook, preferably a cheap one to start off with rather than jumping in with a more expensive one. I tried sketching out pages for the bullet journal in an existing lined notepad but it didn't quite work for me. I'd seen a notepad I wanted on Amazon for about £3 but thought somewhere like Staples or Wilkinson's would have one.

They did not. Apparently nowhere in town had one. Trust me, we looked in enough places. This is a student town... how does no-one stock this item? We did however find great deals on Diet Coke, chocolate and some scrapbook ideas for S.

We got home and ended up ordering the Moleskine in blue - as well as a few more maths workbooks. I'm not looking into pens at the moment, will stick to my trust black biro while I get going. Pens are always something I can look into later if I stick to this.
I'm looking forward to them coming so I can get started! :)

Maths... definitely let me down this afternoon. I was working on simplifying fractions and got so frustrated that there were tears. A cuddle, some chocolate and I calmed down. S and I worked out that it was my struggle with multiplication tables that was causing my troubles so I wrote out a table. I was nearly finished when S leans over and asks me if I'd forgotten something.
I had... the entire six times table.

S looks at me in this combination of stern and amused and silly and ask me if I think I need disciplining. I agree that I do and I get six strikes with a leather strap. Ouch! I also have to repeat all my tables by rote - and then write out all twelve tables.
Lets just say I got them write this time!

English was much easier today. More parts of language - and adverbs. Adverbs being words that describe verbs, telling you how the action is being done. Like slowly or or neatly or wildly.
I wonder if I could encorporate some kind of English Grammar spread into my bullet journal?

This evening involved a lot of being curled up on the couch with S, me playing with her hair. We watched some Stargate on DVD, I read a bit.

And now it's time for bed!
lucymorningstar: (Coulson)
I think I mentioned before that I left school over 20 years ago with no qualifications so I thought I'd take a moment to talk about that. I know a lot of people always wonder how that happened.

I was always classified as being the class 'trouble-maker' - I had no attention span, I was easily distracted (usually by my imaginary friends - who I preferred to my schoolmates), my memory was useless, I was forgetful, I didn't listen to the teacher, I could never sit still and was always fidgeting, I was a chatterbox, I never waited my turn... as I got older it just got worse and I would react... ah... extremely to any criticism from teachers - or anyone. The oddest things would make me laugh (especially when they made other people cry), I would get very angry very easily and take it out on both myself and other people. I had severe mood swings.

I lost track of the amount of times I was sent to the head-teachers office, sent to sit in the corridor, put in detention. I was kicked out of school multiple times. It got to the point where nobody even bothered any more. Did Lucy even go to school? I stopped going. I didn't take my exams.
No-one even noticed.

Fast forward to now and I have diagnoses of schizo-affective disorder and adhd. Schizo-affective basically being schizophrenia with bipolar. And attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. My main symptoms/struggles (which do overlap both):
Disorganised thinking. Being unable to organise myself. Short attention span. Poor memory. Not being able to stick to tedious tasks. Self-harm. Depression. Mania. Hallucinations/Delusions (seems the best friend I've had since I was about 3, who has pink hair? She's not real!). Not being able to sit still. Fidgeting. Excessive talking. Not being able to wait my turn. No concept of consequences.

See the overlap there?

I'm sure if I was in school these days, it would have been picked up. I would have been treated. I may even have thrived - because I really do enjoy learning. As long as I can do it at my own speed and in my own way.

The important thing is that it has been picked up, that I am being treated - both meds and counselling - and that I have found ways of coping with my... quirks.

Which is what brings us to toady. And starting to study English and Maths. I'd like to do Science (especially Physics) too but S was right when she said to start with these as I'd need them to be able to do science.

With English, I've been using the workbooks printed by a company called CGP Books who are the UK's main publisher for education books. I am starting at the beginning with what's known as Key Stage 1 - age 5-7
In the last couple of days I've learned what nouns are. What verbs are. What adjectives are. I use them all the time but I couldn't have told you what they are.
Nouns - they're things, like Lucy or anger or pizza or Wales.
Verbs - they're doing words, like typing or fucking or learning.
Adjectives - they describe nouns, like purple or hard or sweet. They can also be used to compare things - harder, fastest, stronger, slowest.
Isn't it weird how we can use the language but not know what it's individual parts?

We've ordered the CGP KS1 books for Maths and Science too - looking forward to them coming and being able to really get on with it.

I've been using the website Khan Academy for my maths - working through their 'missions', which are great because you do a few problems so the site can work out your level and guide you through learning, practising and 'mastering' each skill.
I completed the 'Early Math' mission which was mostly counting - then adding, subtracting, measuring, time, money, and shapes.
And now I'm working through the 'Arithmetic' mission - more advance adding, subtracting, multiplication and division. And pretty damn new to me topics like negative numbers, absolute value, decimals, and fractions.

For the first time in my life, I've been able to do long division. One 20 minute video and a couple of hours practice and I'm getting them right 85% of the time. The guy does the videos with different colours so I actually had this visual and 'ohhhh' that what 'bring the number down' does.

I've been doing things today like absolute values and improper fractions. I was talking to J on his lunch break and he had NO idea what I was even talking about. S said they hadn't invented fractions yet when J was at school! ;)

One of the things we need to work out is the length of time I'm able to study for. I've been doing either 10% of a mission or practising 5 skills on Khan. And I've been doing just a double page spread in the English books - but I think I can probably manage more. Trial and error, that'll be. Just like everything else.

So far so good though. It's all fitting into my daily schedule - which I'll have to show you one of these days!
lucymorningstar: (Coulson)
Things are getting back to normal around here, finally! J went back to work today. S is being incredibly stubborn and trying not to let this gastroenteritis get her down, but J was firm with her and told her to stay home, at least for today, and rest.

S and I did to to the supermarket today to get the groceries no-one got at the weekend and just that was enough to send her back to bed for a nap, so at least we know J was right. She's sort of half-working and half-resting.

I've been able to get back on with as normal as my life gets around here, which makes me feel better. Following my lists and knowing what I'm doing is always a good thing.

Speaking of lists, a couple of days ago I posted about some belated goals that I'd put together for the year, a little list that looks like:
1) Keep taking my medication regime and tracking my moods and attention etc
2) Keep using to-do lists and alarms to focus myself on my task at hand
3) Lose approximately 30lb by the end of 2016
4) Start studying my GCSEs - ideally English and Maths as well as Physics
5) Learn to type

Well, inspired by Kara @ www.bohoberry.com's very popular style bullet journal, I've decided to something a little similar myself. Breaking the big goals down into steps that make them seem less daunting.

4 BIG GOALS



  1. RETAIN CURRENT MENTAL HEALTH LEVELS

  2. LOSE 30 LB

  3. TAKE GCSES IN ENGLISH, MATHS AND SCIENCE - AT MINIMUM

  4. LEARN TO TYPE


ACTION STEPS FOR APRIL



  • RETAIN CURRENT MENTAL HEALTH LEVELS

    1. Keep taking medications


      • Fill pill older on Sunday evenings

      • Alarms set on phone when medications are due

      • Including medications on daily to-do lists and Habitica


    2. Using to-do lists and Habitica for focus

    3. Attending therapy and group sessions

    4. Weekly reward for all medications taken -need to discuss/set with J&S




  • LOSE 30LB

    1. Cut out excessive unhealthy snacks - replace chocolate/crisps with carrot sticks/rice cakes

    2. Keeping a daily food log

    3. Investigate eating programs such as Whole30

    4. Weekly weight loss reward -need to discuss/set with J&S




  • TAKE GCSES

    1. Continue daily maths missions on Khan Academy

    2. Pull together a list of revision guides, workbooks and stationery needed, along with price

    3. Discuss turning 2nd floor storage room into a small study room - price of desk, cupboards etc

    4. Weekly reward -need to discuss/set with J&S




  • LEARN TO TYPE

    1. General use of computer, familiarising myself with keyboard layout

    2. Try a couple of diffrent online 'courses' to find a good fit

    3. Weekly reward - what parameters? -need to discuss/set with J&S



Tonight, depending on how J feels, S wants us to all sit down and work on rewards. And whether or not I should be disciplined for failing in the tasks - since these are all mine, not set by them - and what the parameters etc would be.

I'm planning on starting an actual physical bullet journal too, but because we were all sick, S didn't take me to Hobbycraft at the weekend to buy supplies. Perhaps that will be my reward this weekend for doing my maths everyday?

I'm feeling quite positive about most of these. A little nervous at the idea of actually prepping to do exams, but that's quite a way ahead in the future still. I'm just trying to get used to the idea. Although hopefully if I continue to enjoy the maths the way I am with Khan, and find equally enjoyable/working methods for other subjects then I think I'll be fine!

S is quite firm that none of these interfere with my existing duties/roles as they were. I've been fitting in the Khan Academy quite easily though over the last couple of weeks, and there's been no complaints about housework so I think I'm going to succeed quite nicely! :)

Keeping a food log will begin properly next week. This week, because we've all been so ill, is going to consist of a lot of pretty bland food - the old BRAT diet: bananas, rice, applesauce, toast. Simple proteins like egg and chicken. Crackers. Then next week, paying proper attention to calories and carbs etc.

I can do this!
lucymorningstar: (McKay)
I somehow thought this journaling/blogging thing would be easy. It's actually really not. I'm sitting here racking my brains for something to talk about, something vaguely interesting.

I can't think of a thing!
Um.. anyone have any questions that I could answer for future posts?
Where do you get your inspiration for posts?

I could tell you that my thighs are killing me after going for a run with S earlier this afternoon. Or the fun we've been having together as it's Easter break and she's off work this week. *winkwink nudgenudge*
That's not to say she doesn't still have a mountain of paperwork to get through.

Or the colleague of hers that saw us together and from the look of shock and horror on her face, clearly now must think S is cheating on J. Apparently the age-gap between them is enough of a talking point among the faculty... I think she's actually looking forward to going back to hear the gossip that will be doing the rounds that she was seen out with another woman!

I'm listening to Avenged Sevenfold for what feels like the first time in forever and I'd forgotten how much I enjoy their music. And damn is M Shadows a fine piece of ass.

I spent this morning doing some dusting around the flat, then with S pouting at me to bake a cake. She's not evil enough to order me to make a cake when she's put me on a diet - she's nowhere near that cruel - just asked me if I'd make the Green Velvet Cheesecake that I made for St Patrick's Day because she really liked it and... how exactly am I supposed to resist that?
So that's chilling in the fridge and I'm sulking because I don't know if I'm going to be allowed any. Though, with J pouting at her too, I suspect S will relent! :D

I'm in the mood to watch something but I'm not sure what. Lucifer wasn't on last night so that's out. I might poke Netflix and see what it throws out at me. Or see what J or S want to watch.

Croeso!

I'm Lucy, a 30-something woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing.

I'm bisexual and poly, living in North Wales with my partners J&S. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

I haved lived for so long under the shadow of a number of mental health diagnoses, letting them define me rather than just be part of me. For too long I've been "Lucy the Schizo" and I want to find out who 'Lucy' is

Welcome aboard my journey. I'm glad you're here and looking forward to getting to know you as we get to know me!

♥ Current Obsessions ♥
Aliens. Angels. Atlantis. Bullet Journals. Cryptozoology. Doctor Who. German. Lucifer. MacGyver 2016. Marvel. Maths. Mythology. Space. Star Wars. Time travel

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