Crazy Month

Feb. 5th, 2017 06:41 am
lucymorningstar: (#teamsteve)
It's been an absolutely crazy couple of weeks. I don't know where the time has gone, I feel like it's completely run away with me and I've achieved nothing. I've not made it online or anything! It's also been manic and stressful and J and I have been fighting and we both got punished a lot and not in the really fun way either :(

See, J retired just before Christmas and it was all fun over the break. But then January and reality and normal kicked in and he didn't know what to do with himself. He's not used to being home and having nothing to do and he got bored - and even more bored once S had gone back to school. It was fun to start with, having J around all the time and, yes, there was a lot of sex :)

But then it stopped being so fun. Chores and errands weren't getting done. S would get mad at both of us. Then because my routine was interrupted, I wasn't taking my medications and got sick and there was yelling and guilt and it all really wasn't fun. I got lectured on routines and distractions and the importance of my health, and J did too. And he was told that he has to let me do my jobs first and if he wants to help he has to ask because my routine is important. He was also told to find something to do, to find a new hobby.

That was about 10 days ago. We now both have behaviour and chore charts and we have to report to S each day about what we did. We get either daily punishment or reward as necessary. It's working though. I'm recovering again, I've got my routine back and I'm happier. Still a little insomnia but it's getting better. And the house is back to normal standards. Which makes S happier. J's been letting me get on with my work, or helping out in little ways but he mostly reads or watches TV while I'm working. And he's got a new hobby - he's discovered the internet, got himself a laptop and even has a blog

Hopefully this new equilibrium will continue!
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
As you know, J, S & I are particpants in a BDSM relationship. S is a Dominant, J is a switch (he's probably 75% Dominant, 25% submissive) and I am a sub. It's how we met, basically but that's not what this post is about.

This post is about discipline and punishment as it works in our relationship, and more importantly the difference between them.

Discipline is about correcting behaviour, about guiding and teaching. For putting mistakes right. It's usually an immediate action - such a light paddling for when I messed up writing out my times tables, followed by writing them out multiple times.
Discipline often involves... well... time-out. Stand in the corner/in a certain position and think about what you've done. Writing lines. Repeating the task until it's done correctly. And often a light paddling as a 'warning' of sorts.

Punishment on the other hand is about bad behaviour. It's a penalty for wrong-doing. The severity of the punishment depends on the method and severity of punishment depends on the bad behavior and if it was intentional or unintentional.
It doesn't usually happen right away because neither J or S will punish me if they're angry. And yes, sometimes it does involve a physical form, but it isn't always. It can be being locked in the cage, not being allowed to sleep in the same bed as J&S, strict bondage, loss of privilege... that kind of thing. But J and S are very creative!
Screwing up while being disciplined? Yeah, that will lead to punishment.

So lets say I'm doing the washing up and J notices that a plate I've cleaned still has food on it. Straight away the light paddling, followed by a talking to about taking care and doing it right. I would have to re-do the dishes. Or maybe even all of them, depending on how bad it was.
This is discipline. Redoing something I did wrong to make it right.
Only, when I was redoing it, I made the same mistake again. There could be a physical aspect to the punishment (J likes giving pain as well as receiving!), or there's restrictions put on the food I'm allowed to eat, or I'm not allowed to use cutlery for example.

The one exception to this is not taking my medication - and this is pre-negotiated. If I don't take my meds, it's automatic cause for punishment. Again, there's a difference between me being distracted and not taking them and not taking them on purpose (The whole 'I feel ok, I don't need these'). This is all discussed before punishment is doled out.
This will always be corporal punishment - I'm really not a big fan of pain so as its one of the most severe infractions, it gets the worst-to-me punishment. If that makes sense

S is very keen on the discipline and punishment fitting the crime. For example if I was being punished for excessive use of bad language, yes it would involve my mouth being washed out with soap, or having to hold a bar of soap in my mouth. If I'm fidgeting when I'm supposed to be still, strict bondage or the cage. If I come when I'm not allowed to, no sex. That kind of thing.
Neither S or J (or me) like punishment - so it sucks for them as well. We've been known to say that one of the main differences is that discipline can be enjoyed whereas punishment is not.

J is a big fan of positive reinforcement too though, so I get rewarded for good behaviour. Yay, go me! :)

Now - J... a corporal punishment from S wouldn't work for him. He enjoys pain. A severe punishment for him would involve sensory deprivation. Because he hates it.
Me, I love that so that's not a punishment.

The two really important things to remember:
IT'S ALL CONSENSUAL.
Once it's done, it's done. Forgiven, forgotten (not the lesson but the cause), moved on.

Um. I don't know if any of this makes sense or makes any of it any clearer, I hope it does.
lucymorningstar: (Sunbeam)
Today being Thursday was my regular day with S. A lot of it is unrepeatable in polite company but lets say we enjoyed ourselves a lot, many times over. Starting with a lay in, then most of the morning in bed, then a shower. Followed by another shower and fluffy warm towels.
You can't go wrong starting the day like that, not really.

We ambled around town - mostly because I was looking for a dot grid notebook, preferably a cheap one to start off with rather than jumping in with a more expensive one. I tried sketching out pages for the bullet journal in an existing lined notepad but it didn't quite work for me. I'd seen a notepad I wanted on Amazon for about £3 but thought somewhere like Staples or Wilkinson's would have one.

They did not. Apparently nowhere in town had one. Trust me, we looked in enough places. This is a student town... how does no-one stock this item? We did however find great deals on Diet Coke, chocolate and some scrapbook ideas for S.

We got home and ended up ordering the Moleskine in blue - as well as a few more maths workbooks. I'm not looking into pens at the moment, will stick to my trust black biro while I get going. Pens are always something I can look into later if I stick to this.
I'm looking forward to them coming so I can get started! :)

Maths... definitely let me down this afternoon. I was working on simplifying fractions and got so frustrated that there were tears. A cuddle, some chocolate and I calmed down. S and I worked out that it was my struggle with multiplication tables that was causing my troubles so I wrote out a table. I was nearly finished when S leans over and asks me if I'd forgotten something.
I had... the entire six times table.

S looks at me in this combination of stern and amused and silly and ask me if I think I need disciplining. I agree that I do and I get six strikes with a leather strap. Ouch! I also have to repeat all my tables by rote - and then write out all twelve tables.
Lets just say I got them write this time!

English was much easier today. More parts of language - and adverbs. Adverbs being words that describe verbs, telling you how the action is being done. Like slowly or or neatly or wildly.
I wonder if I could encorporate some kind of English Grammar spread into my bullet journal?

This evening involved a lot of being curled up on the couch with S, me playing with her hair. We watched some Stargate on DVD, I read a bit.

And now it's time for bed!

Croeso!

I'm Lucy, a 30-something woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing.

I'm bisexual and poly, living in North Wales with my partners J&S. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

I haved lived for so long under the shadow of a number of mental health diagnoses, letting them define me rather than just be part of me. For too long I've been "Lucy the Schizo" and I want to find out who 'Lucy' is

Welcome aboard my journey. I'm glad you're here and looking forward to getting to know you as we get to know me!

♥ Current Obsessions ♥
Aliens. Angels. Atlantis. Bullet Journals. Cryptozoology. Doctor Who. German. Lucifer. MacGyver 2016. Marvel. Maths. Mythology. Space. Star Wars. Time travel

Tags

Style Credit