lucymorningstar: (B&W Mac)
This time a topic I've thought long and hard about how to answer. My answer itself is very simple but it's the wording of it. I've also gone and learned how to do an post-cut thing so as to hide things from people who, for various reasons, wouldn't feel comfortable reading about it. The last thing I want is to accidentally trigger someone.

A time I thought about ending my own life )
lucymorningstar: (John)
Good afternoon!

It's a lovely warm day here in North Wales, and I'm enjoying a spot of sun in my garden. I have a cat stretched out on my lap, J is doing some gardening (strange man, actually enjoys it) and S is doing one of her Sudoku puzzles (strange woman, actually enjoys them)

I feel like I might be starting to fight my way out of the darkness. I can still feel it pulling on my ankles but I'm mostly reaching for the surface. Afternoons like this help. I also managed to conquer my inbox and finish my to-do list. It's a pretty big list but a lot of it is a list of ebay shops that I'd like to check out and some money off codes and stuff.

The ebay shops are all for planning stickers. Have I mentioned recently my love for planners and organisers and the bullet journal system? My Leuchttrum dotgrid journal came in the mail this week but I don't want to use it yet until I'm completely happy with how I'm doing it. I'm just using a cheap grid notebook with a faux leather cover. I'm mostly happy with my collections, my monthly/weekly/daily spreads but it's mostly just refining them. I've also been watching a metric ton of planwithme videos on youtube and strangely I find them incredibly relaxing and calming, but it's also made me want to do that style of planning with the kits and so I kind of ordered myself a MAMBI Happy Planner but it's on back-order.
When I actually set up properly, I'll totally take pictures and stuff and share how I'm using it. I'm not creative or artistic and I have crap handwriting so mine don't look anywhere near as awesome as some of the ones I see but I'm trying really hard not to compare myself. I should be proud of what I'm creating!

I've started making a draft of the post about discipline vs punishment and I'm hoping to get that posted later this evening. Although J is talking about firing up the barbecue if the weather stays this could so that's always fun too!
lucymorningstar: (Lucifer Beach Wings)
I'm still feeling really down and kind of numb. Everything is just so much effort. All I want to do is sleep and eat - although the preparation of food is far too much like hard work so it just ends up being sleeping and grazing on chocolate. I haven't quite found the energy to pull myself up yet.
I really hate derpressive slumps :(

I'm slowly reclaiming my inbox - it's down to just under 200 - and writing myself a little to-do list. So there is a plan. It's just... no being actioned yet.

  • Write penpal letter to Kara

  • Write penpal letter to Whitney

  • Have I been matched for round 33

  • Send out sticker swap

  • find book swap book and send

  • 10% off at EllieBethDesignsUK on Etsy THANKS10

  • 30% off at BohoBerryPapiere on Etsy TRIBE30

  • find postcards for Happy Iggle Snail Mail and send

  • Simple Stories Say Cheese 12"x12" Expressions Alpha Cardstock Stickers 3303

  • check out ohhellostationeryco on Etsy

  • check out microscope beauty on social media - planning comm


... this is not a complete list, but it's getting there
lucymorningstar: (Fluffy)
Today is Not A Good Day. Today is in fact pretty close to being a bad day. I should have seen it coming, really. I've been up for quite a while. I spent hours last night obsessing over bullet journals, bookmarking websites, writing lists and notes and ideas. I completely lost track of time, went to bed at an hour that's too late for me and didn't get enough sleep.

Today I feel low. Today my depression has me wondering why I'm bothering - even why I'm writing here. I don't even know if I'll hit post or if I'll just delete.

I've been getting so proud of myself over the last few days for the maths I'm learning on Khan Academy. Before now, I've never grasped concepts such as fractions or long division and I feel amazing for it. I wanted to post all about it and share my excitement.

I had some English study books come in the post today. Starting with the basic level stuff, key stage one - primary school. Grammar and punctuation stuff for SATS. The first page, the very first thing and it's things I never knew.
Nouns. I learned today what nouns are.

It felt wonderful!

And then... then I felt completely stupid. Wondering what the hell I'm doing. I'm getting excited over learning concepts that I should have known over 30 years ago. That primary school age children know. I should not be excited about this. I should be humiliated. No, I am humiliated... both at not knowing such basic topics and at my joy over learning them. And really, You should see what my posts look like before the spellchecker built into Opera corrects them.

S will be home in about 10 minutes, J about 30 minutes after her. I'm going to be really glad to see them. Mostly, I just need a hug.

Croeso!

I'm Lucy, a 30-something woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing.

I'm bisexual and poly, living in North Wales with my partners J&S. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

I haved lived for so long under the shadow of a number of mental health diagnoses, letting them define me rather than just be part of me. For too long I've been "Lucy the Schizo" and I want to find out who 'Lucy' is
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Welcome aboard my journey. I'm glad you're here and looking forward to getting to know you as we get to know me!

♥ Current Obsessions ♥
Aliens. Angels. Bullet Journals. Cryptozoology. Dinosaurs. Doctor Who. Fanfiction. Knitting. Marvel. Space. Time travel. Wonder Woman.

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