lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
Sometimes my attention gets caught by and I focus on the most random things. The smallest details that can cause delight and that you want to remember because they're so silly and enjoyable.

Late this afternoon, J caught me standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at the laundry basket. When he got my attention back to reality and he asked me what as so fascinating about our sheets.

It was the way the light was catching and dancing on and around the swirls and wrinkles of a sheet that needed to be ironed and folded.

When I asked J what he wanted to remember about today, he said the chocolate muffins we had at lunchtime. They were pretty awesome and his had way more chocolate chips in it than I'm sure there should have been.

How about you? What would you like to remember about today?

A Do-Over

Jan. 1st, 2017 06:10 pm
lucymorningstar: (Default)
Clearly, J, S & I are too old to do the staying up to see in the New Year and associated fun times that we had until the small hours of the morning. This afternoon we were watching ET and S fell asleep. Next thing I know, J had shaken us both awake and sent us to bed. Well, OK, he sent me to bed and strongly suggested that S to as well. Which we did. And then he joined us. There wasn't even any sex, literally just sleeping.

Woke up about an hour and a half later and J had gone, left a note saying he'd gone to the football match. Mad man. It's raining out there and it's like 6 degrees- and he complains about his back and his knees and he's gone to watch a bunch of guys running around a football field. Ah well, he enjoys it at least.

I'm definitely still tired. I keep getting glimpses of this black shadowy figure out of the corner of my eye and a sense of being watched, and this strangest sensation of everything being muted by static. Not entirely pleasant. I'm 90% sure it's a hallucination but you always wonder. I also have no concentration span, I have no idea what's going on the movie - I'm not foowing it at all. I'm fidgety and it's taken me like 40 minutes to write this.
I've checked my pillbox and all my meds are taken. Note made of symptoms and influences in my tracker.
Ah the fun of mental health.

Can I have a do-over on January 1st, please?

S and I are watching Despicable Me and trying to decide what to have for dinner - and apparently I keep 'wandering off' while we're talking so I probably won't be allowed to cook, at least not unsupervised. We've narrowed it down to either a three-cheese risotto (because J isn't home and we can have fun experimenting/having new foods) or just having pie and mash.
lucymorningstar: (Brand New)
I like food. This is not news to anyone. I especially like food at Christmas. I love cooking up the big Christmas Day lunch - roast turkey, pigs in blankets, roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, vegetables... all the trimmings.

But my favourite Christmas foods have to be the desserts. I am a sucker for a warm mince pie with cream or custard. Or some Christmas pudding with brandy butter or cream. A nice slice of Christmas Cake or Yule Log or Dundee Cake.

Then there's all the boxes of biscuits and chocolates that we invariably end up with every year. We buy ourselves maybe one or two then we end up getting gifted some. And every year we say 'right, we're not buying anything this year' and yet we still do... and we end up with a ridiculous amount of Roses, Quality Street, Celebrations and so on.
Not to mention chocolates on the Christmas tree. Candy canes on the Christmas tree.

This is by no means a complaint because I LOVE it, just an observation of one of the many things I love about Christmas!
lucymorningstar: (Harry)
Today has been a very good day, especially food wise.

I spent this afternoon baking chocolate fudge cupcakes and the kitchen smelled wonderful. S was very happy because she loves chocolate cupcakes and she just kept hanging around the kitchen like a kid. I even let her lick the spoon haha

And then this evening I made macaroni cheese. My own special recipe using mustard, bacon and tomatoes. J loves it and was literally poking me while it was cooking, asking how long it was going to take. Then the poking lead to tickling and S joined in and really they were lucky dinner didn't get burned ;)

I thought though that I would share my recipe because I'm nice like that and everyone deserves to try it because it's amazing!

Macaroni Cheese with Bacon and Tomatoes

Ingredients
240g elbow macaroni
100g smoked bacon lardons
2 onions, peeled and finely diced
2 tomatoes, chopped
2 cloves garlic, peeled and finely diced
40g butter
40g flour
1/2 teaspoon Dijon Mustard
450ml milk
150g grated mature Cheddar cheese (plus extra for the topping)
salt and pepper to taste

Directions
Pre-heat oven to 200C/400F/Gas mark 6.
Boil macaroni in salted water and drain. Add cold water and drain again. Set to one side
Add the bacon lardons, onion, tomatoes and garlic to a frying pan and sauté over a medium heat until the bacon is crisp and the tomatoes and onions are cooked.
Add the bacon, tomato and onion mix to the cooked macaroni and mix well. Spoon the macaroni and bacon mixture into a buttered oven proof dish.
To make the sauce: melt the butter then add the flour and mustard powder and mix well. Add the milk gradually, beating well, and then simmer over a low heat until you have a thick sauce. Add the grated Cheddar cheese and mix until melted, then season to taste with salt and pepper.
Pour the sauce over the macaroni mixture, scatter some extra grated cheese over the top and bake in pre-heated oven for 15 to 20 minutes until golden brown and bubbling.

Beef Stew

Nov. 5th, 2016 04:20 pm
lucymorningstar: (Blue)
I wish you guys could smell my kitchen right now, or anywhere in my house because it's mouthwatering. I've had a beef stew in the oven for the last couple of hours, it's still got about an hour to go. The cats and dog are both sitting staring through the kitchen door and I'm half surprised that J isnt sitting there with them too

He keeps telling us how good it smells and how hungry it's making him. I swear if he doesn't let up, S is gonna spank him one haha

Mind, he was nicely Dominant this morning. They both were. But that's a different story that has nothing to do with my beef stew.

It's a pretty simple dish, not much prep... just a nice, long, slow, cooking process.
You start with softening some celery, some onion, bay and thyme in butter and vegetable oil. Stir in some flour, some tomato puree, beef stock cubes and (my secret ingredient) worcestershire sauce.
Gradually stir in boiling water, and the stewing beef and bring to a gentle simmer
Cover and pop in the oven (gas mark 3) for 2 and a half hours.
I've just taken off the lid and put it back in the oven - in about 45 minutes to an hour the beef will be really tender and sauce will be thick and it will be perfect.

Until then, I catch up on another episode of Frequency on Netflix
lucymorningstar: (John)
Hi,

My name's Lucy. I clean when I'm stressed. I have a 5 bed, 3 storey house and I have cleaned the entire place from top to bottom this weekend.


And when I run out of things to clean I start eating. One large pizza, 2 sides and a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice-cream.

What am I going to do tomorrow?
lucymorningstar: (Harry)
This morning has very much been a Monday. I didn't sleep very well again last night - I couldn't get comfortable, I was too hot/too cold, and when I did sleep I had incredibly bizarre dreams. I ended up getting out of bed and going to sleep in the guest bedroom. I didn't want to disturb J&S

I know I was half-awake around 4:30 or so and S was curling up around me. She muttered about me not being in bed then went back to sleep. I dozed until she got up, then we all had breakfast. I kind of lazed around this morning, waiting for a parcel but mostly feeling very fuzzy and groggy from lack of sleep. I fell deeep into the black of hole of Pinterest. Seriously, that site is amazing
I'm https://uk.pinterest.com/lucyshiningone/ if anyone else is there

Late morning I got a text saying the parcel would be coming tomorrow, so I showered and dressed around midday. Walked into town to get some things I needed, met up with J for some lunch then came home. I've been setting up my bullet journal and watching TV.

Pretty much a wasted day but I still don't feel quite right from the lack of sleep. S has ordered takeout, and we got The Force Awakens on DVD today so I think it's going to be a nice chill evening.

I'm going to need to keep track of sleep and mood though, just in case this becomes a thing and we need to start playing with drugs and doses - which I really don't want :(
lucymorningstar: (Coulson)
Things are getting back to normal around here, finally! J went back to work today. S is being incredibly stubborn and trying not to let this gastroenteritis get her down, but J was firm with her and told her to stay home, at least for today, and rest.

S and I did to to the supermarket today to get the groceries no-one got at the weekend and just that was enough to send her back to bed for a nap, so at least we know J was right. She's sort of half-working and half-resting.

I've been able to get back on with as normal as my life gets around here, which makes me feel better. Following my lists and knowing what I'm doing is always a good thing.

Speaking of lists, a couple of days ago I posted about some belated goals that I'd put together for the year, a little list that looks like:
1) Keep taking my medication regime and tracking my moods and attention etc
2) Keep using to-do lists and alarms to focus myself on my task at hand
3) Lose approximately 30lb by the end of 2016
4) Start studying my GCSEs - ideally English and Maths as well as Physics
5) Learn to type

Well, inspired by Kara @ www.bohoberry.com's very popular style bullet journal, I've decided to something a little similar myself. Breaking the big goals down into steps that make them seem less daunting.

4 BIG GOALS



  1. RETAIN CURRENT MENTAL HEALTH LEVELS

  2. LOSE 30 LB

  3. TAKE GCSES IN ENGLISH, MATHS AND SCIENCE - AT MINIMUM

  4. LEARN TO TYPE


ACTION STEPS FOR APRIL



  • RETAIN CURRENT MENTAL HEALTH LEVELS

    1. Keep taking medications


      • Fill pill older on Sunday evenings

      • Alarms set on phone when medications are due

      • Including medications on daily to-do lists and Habitica


    2. Using to-do lists and Habitica for focus

    3. Attending therapy and group sessions

    4. Weekly reward for all medications taken -need to discuss/set with J&S




  • LOSE 30LB

    1. Cut out excessive unhealthy snacks - replace chocolate/crisps with carrot sticks/rice cakes

    2. Keeping a daily food log

    3. Investigate eating programs such as Whole30

    4. Weekly weight loss reward -need to discuss/set with J&S




  • TAKE GCSES

    1. Continue daily maths missions on Khan Academy

    2. Pull together a list of revision guides, workbooks and stationery needed, along with price

    3. Discuss turning 2nd floor storage room into a small study room - price of desk, cupboards etc

    4. Weekly reward -need to discuss/set with J&S




  • LEARN TO TYPE

    1. General use of computer, familiarising myself with keyboard layout

    2. Try a couple of diffrent online 'courses' to find a good fit

    3. Weekly reward - what parameters? -need to discuss/set with J&S



Tonight, depending on how J feels, S wants us to all sit down and work on rewards. And whether or not I should be disciplined for failing in the tasks - since these are all mine, not set by them - and what the parameters etc would be.

I'm planning on starting an actual physical bullet journal too, but because we were all sick, S didn't take me to Hobbycraft at the weekend to buy supplies. Perhaps that will be my reward this weekend for doing my maths everyday?

I'm feeling quite positive about most of these. A little nervous at the idea of actually prepping to do exams, but that's quite a way ahead in the future still. I'm just trying to get used to the idea. Although hopefully if I continue to enjoy the maths the way I am with Khan, and find equally enjoyable/working methods for other subjects then I think I'll be fine!

S is quite firm that none of these interfere with my existing duties/roles as they were. I've been fitting in the Khan Academy quite easily though over the last couple of weeks, and there's been no complaints about housework so I think I'm going to succeed quite nicely! :)

Keeping a food log will begin properly next week. This week, because we've all been so ill, is going to consist of a lot of pretty bland food - the old BRAT diet: bananas, rice, applesauce, toast. Simple proteins like egg and chicken. Crackers. Then next week, paying proper attention to calories and carbs etc.

I can do this!
lucymorningstar: (Brand New)
Saturdays have always been me and J's day together. (Thursday is my day with S, she has no classes that day). We started off going grocery shopping, probably my least favourite chore and I could never do it alone. It stresses me out and is the time my psychosis is likely to trigger, and I struggle telling what's real and what isn't. I've been known to walk around talking to imaginary people and thinking I'm picking up one thing when it's completely different.

Although going around a supermaket with J is somewhat akin to going with a child "That's not on the list, J", or "S won't be happy if you bring that home." But he has fun and he has the cutest smile, still makes me weak to the knees.

We came home with just enough extras to make S roll her eyes and swat J on the ass heh. Not me, since I'm his responsibility when we're alone. But we did manage to bring home everything that was on the list. Why she doesn't just do it herself when she's so particular about it, I don't know!
Probably because she'd kill J in the middle of an aisle or something ;)

J, old man that he is, decided he needed an afternoon nap. He also decided that he needed me to nap with him. Safe to say there was a lot more kissing and cuddling and fucking than there was actual napping, but laying half asleep and thoroughly orgasmic in his arms is definitely a favourite place to be. Even if S busted us eating chocolate. I mentioned yesterday that S told me I was going on a diet. Well, J and I managed to bring home half the store's worth of half-price Easter chocolate. And part of the cuddling involved an Easter egg being eaten. She just stood there, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed and trying to decide if she was annoyed or amused.

I'm not the only one who's being denied tasty treats now. J is sulking. It's cute. Ever seen a 63 year old guy sulking because his chocolate was taken away from him?
At least he won't get enforced exercise because of his age and the fact he has bad knees! S is a big believer in punishment fitting the crime.

Although, while we were 'napping', S has installed a bunch of updates on my laptop and set it up to work with the printer through the wireless network. She's a bit of a computer nerd is my S! Which is a good job since I'm pretty clueless and J is probably more likely to throw it out of the window!

I've found a promising looking typing teaching website so I'll be looking at that tomorrow. See if I can get more than just my index fingers in on the action. I have no idea how long it's supposed to take to learn though, but there's 15 lessons, so probably a couple of weeks.

Other than that, it's been a pretty standard Saturday around here. Sheets and bedding changed, laundered and put away. Everywhere's clean and tidy and it's time for our usual weekend family movie night. S is being evil and making herself some popcorn in the microwave, and I know me and J won't be allowed any. It looks like J's choosing Rock Of Ages so that should be fun.

Hope you're all having a good Saturday xxx
lucymorningstar: (Elephant)
I spent a fair bit of this morning in the doghouse. Figuratively, not literally. When cooking dinner last night, I accidentally lightly burnt the rice. S was very unamused to say the least. I'm not even sure J actually noticed, he just inhaled the food like always. But S is very much a stickler for details and was very disappointed in me. And I was basically sent to dinner without dessert and on my own.

This morning there was a small lecture on paying more attention to what I'm doing. S knows I'm trying though, that it was an accident so nothing more than a telling off and a light spanking. It felt worse knowing I'd let her down more than anything.

J bought fish and chips home with him tonight so no cooking for me to ruin. I noticed S frowning at me some and asked her what was wrong. She commented that I'd put weight on, and as much as I hate to admit it, she's right. Not a lot, just enough that it's noticeable. This means as of Monday I'm starting a new diet and exercise routine. I have to keep a food and exercise diary and I'm aiming to have lost 8lb by the beginning of May.
Wish me luck?

I'd also really like to properly study some physics. I left school with no qualifications so I'm thinking about actually taking my GCSE physics since I'm getting interested in it through watching science-fiction. S&J have ordered me some textbooks off Amazon, they should come next week. I'm looking forward to settling down with that.

I also signed up for a penpal club and am waiting to get 'paired' with my first penpal. It's very exciting, actually.

J says he's very proud of me right now, how he can tell the medications I'm on are working because I'm actually wanting to do things for me, and finding things I'm interested in. He and S both think its cute too that I'm doing this whole online thing and are encouraging me to keep with it and hoping this self-discovery thing works. He even suggested that maybe I could list out my hopes and dreams and plans for the rest of the year - show them it and we'll work on them together.

I done that on paper but thought I'd share them here too:

1) Keep taking my medication regime and tracking my moods and attention etc
2) Keep using to-do lists and alarms to focus myself on my task at hand
3) Lose approximately 30lb by the end of 2016
4) Start studying my GCSEs - ideally English and Maths as well as Physics
5) Learn to type

Maybe April is a little late in the year to be setting resolutions but I guess anytime you're ready is the right time.

What hopes/dreams/plans/goals, if any, have you set yourself for this year? And what are you doing to achieve them?<b?

Croeso!

I'm Lucy, a 30-something woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing.

I'm bisexual and poly, living in North Wales with my partners J&S. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

I haved lived for so long under the shadow of a number of mental health diagnoses, letting them define me rather than just be part of me. For too long I've been "Lucy the Schizo" and I want to find out who 'Lucy' is

Welcome aboard my journey. I'm glad you're here and looking forward to getting to know you as we get to know me!

♥ Current Obsessions ♥
Aliens. Angels. Atlantis. Bullet Journals. Cryptozoology. Doctor Who. German. Lucifer. MacGyver 2016. Marvel. Maths. Mythology. Space. Star Wars. Time travel

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