lucymorningstar: (Blue)
2017-09-10 01:00 pm
Entry tags:

Well, she's back

Hello internet, it's good to see you again.

It's been a stressful month or so - take moving house, combine it with computer problems and a short stay in hospital and oh it's nice to be sitting down on my couch, a cat next to me and just relaxing.

I'm doing ok but I don't want to talk about it.

New house is starting to feel like home. It's still new and a little weird and as strange as it sounds, it doesn't smell the same. Although in all fairness, I haven't really spent much time here but I'm hoping over the next week I'll start to settle in.

J's been having great fun with some DIY projects and he's got quite the list of jobs he wants to get accomplished, big manchild with a toolbox that he is! We've also got some decorating to finish off so it's going to be busy couple of week especially with S starting her new job this month but it's also all very exciting and I'm looking forward to it.
lucymorningstar: (Fluffy)
2017-05-17 10:22 pm
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Surprise day with S

J, as I just posted over in his DW for him, has gone off with a couple of his old air force buddies. They're on their motorbikes and they're going fishing over in France. I probably think fishing is a euphemism for drinking a lot of beer and reminiscing about old times but they'll have a good time I'm sure.

S had a surprise unexpected day off. Something to do with the electrics and there being none. I do like getting to spend time with S, we don't do it often enough. I've been feeling a little twitchy because my routine has been off but it's been worth it.

We had a lazy start to the morning, some bdsm and sex fun then took the dogs out for a walk on the beach. in the rain. We were chasing each other in and out of the water - since we were already wet we didn't care about splashes and the dogs were playing too. Wet sand gets everywhere! We got the dogs clean and dry, then took a shower together. You can imagine where that went... haha. What can I say, my S is a sexy sexy woman and I can't keep my hands off her

After a rejuvenating nap, we had lunch out, took our time enjoying the meal and talking and being with each other. It was really nice. Good food, good company. We strolled through town for a bit (hand-in-hand, saw some of her students, probably confused them) and did a little bit of shopping - S got a beautiful flowery summer dress and a denim jacket, I got a suedette biker jacket.

This evening we just cuddled up on the couch and watched a movie, provided a suitable napping spot for the cats.

Tomorrow, if she's free and the weather is nice, we're going to head to Penrhyn Castle for the day, catch one of the Early Bird tours.
We're thinking of taking ourselves for a girly weekend to a spa, make the most of J being away.
lucymorningstar: (McKay)
2017-05-04 09:54 pm
Entry tags:

Calm Before The Storm

Things are going really well right now.

J & I have found our new routine for us both being home all day, especially now the weather is improving and he can get out on his bike, or spend time in the garden or go fishing. J & S have worked out spending more time with each other and she's lost that lingering jealousy that J & I are together all day.

J retiring has definitely been a learning curve and workng out new balances in our relationships but it's paid off and I think we're stronger than ever. It ended up not even being that big a change, just one thing - instead of Saturday mornings being me and J's time, the two of them do the grocery shopping together. They have their date nights on Tuesday late afternoon/all evening. Thursday during the day is still the time S & I spend together.

My sister's babies are doing well. They're healthy and thriving.

My dad actually had a conversation with S on the phone earlier.

See? Thngs are good. So why am I waiting for something to go wrong?
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
2017-04-06 08:34 pm
Entry tags:

Things to remember

Sometimes my attention gets caught by and I focus on the most random things. The smallest details that can cause delight and that you want to remember because they're so silly and enjoyable.

Late this afternoon, J caught me standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at the laundry basket. When he got my attention back to reality and he asked me what as so fascinating about our sheets.

It was the way the light was catching and dancing on and around the swirls and wrinkles of a sheet that needed to be ironed and folded.

When I asked J what he wanted to remember about today, he said the chocolate muffins we had at lunchtime. They were pretty awesome and his had way more chocolate chips in it than I'm sure there should have been.

How about you? What would you like to remember about today?
lucymorningstar: (Default)
2017-02-16 09:22 pm
Entry tags:

Time and Relative Dimensions In Space

My J makes me laugh sometimes. I've said before how he's bored and trying to find a new hobby and he seems to be trying to do all of them all at the same time. And possibly just stalking me around the internet.

He's brushing up on his German on Duolingo, he's still futzing around with his blog, he's signed up to do a psychology course on line, he's trying out bujoing... he's even talked about trying to learn to knit. S has given him a list of jobs to do round the house and we're talking about redecorating the bedroom and having a new kitchen. He's also wanting to turn the other of the boxrooms into his own lttle 'study' like I've got. He's definitely enjoying spending time reading and doing crosswords though and the dogs are really loving having him to play with all the time.

He's a big dork and I really do love him.

I'm reading this book at the moment called Whoniverse: An Unofficial Planet-By-Planet Guide to the World of the Doctor from Gallifrey to Skaro by Lance Parkin and it's making me want to do a Doctor Who rewatch. Definitely 'new' Who but I'm also really tempted to go back and watch some 'classic' Who as well, start with Hartnell and work my way forwards in time. I know a lot of Patrick Troughton's stuff has been lost but rewatching Tom Baker and Jon Pertwee and I don't think I've ever gone back and rewatched Sylvester McCoy's stuff from the 80s

I think I need a Doctor Who icon!
lucymorningstar: (#teamsteve)
2017-02-12 06:17 pm
Entry tags:

A brief snapshot of here and now

It's been a really good weekend.

Friday night was our usual; all three of us going out for a pizza and a movie, we went to see Lego Batman because we're all about 6 years old. It was so much fun.

Saturday was entertaining. There was an England V Wales Rugby match. J is an England supporter. S is Welsh and yes, she supports Wales. Me, I don't give two hoots either way and... well lets just say I was a little bit tied up at the time, shall we?
Wales lost. S is still sulking and yes she took it out on J's ass when he gloated!

Today was a lazy morning in bed, the way Sundays are always. The afternoon was a little different to normal though - normally we play board games, watch DVDs, the weeks reward/punishments are dealt out. But today we went back to the cinema for Fifty Shades Darker. I know they're terrible, Grey is an abuser not a Dom and they're a horrific portrayal of BDSM but I still find myeslf enjoying the movies even though I know I shouldn't. Rewards/punishment will happen later when S is finished working for the night.

And now tonight. S is off in her office marking homework and finalising lesson plans. J's knee is bothering him and he's sitting with his legs up and a heat pack on his knee and he's doing a crossword and he's got his headphones on so he's probably listening to some opera or something. I've been trying to read but I'm tired and my attention span isn't brilliant. According to the time stamp I started this post and now it's already taken me 53 minutes to write this post. I'm reading two books at the moment. Whoniverse: An Unofficial Planet-By-Planet Guide to the World of the Doctor from Gallifrey to Skaro by Lance Parkin and The Sandman: Endless Nights by Neil Gaiman but I'm not concentrating so I'm rewatching a new favourite The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey. I have a mug of hot chocolate and a donut and life is pretty good.
lucymorningstar: (#teamsteve)
2017-02-05 06:41 am
Entry tags:

Crazy Month

It's been an absolutely crazy couple of weeks. I don't know where the time has gone, I feel like it's completely run away with me and I've achieved nothing. I've not made it online or anything! It's also been manic and stressful and J and I have been fighting and we both got punished a lot and not in the really fun way either :(

See, J retired just before Christmas and it was all fun over the break. But then January and reality and normal kicked in and he didn't know what to do with himself. He's not used to being home and having nothing to do and he got bored - and even more bored once S had gone back to school. It was fun to start with, having J around all the time and, yes, there was a lot of sex :)

But then it stopped being so fun. Chores and errands weren't getting done. S would get mad at both of us. Then because my routine was interrupted, I wasn't taking my medications and got sick and there was yelling and guilt and it all really wasn't fun. I got lectured on routines and distractions and the importance of my health, and J did too. And he was told that he has to let me do my jobs first and if he wants to help he has to ask because my routine is important. He was also told to find something to do, to find a new hobby.

That was about 10 days ago. We now both have behaviour and chore charts and we have to report to S each day about what we did. We get either daily punishment or reward as necessary. It's working though. I'm recovering again, I've got my routine back and I'm happier. Still a little insomnia but it's getting better. And the house is back to normal standards. Which makes S happier. J's been letting me get on with my work, or helping out in little ways but he mostly reads or watches TV while I'm working. And he's got a new hobby - he's discovered the internet, got himself a laptop and even has a blog

Hopefully this new equilibrium will continue!
lucymorningstar: (Lucifer)
2016-12-16 06:05 pm

Goals for next month

I'm starting to think about my goals for January, about what I want to achieve.

The main thing will be finding a new routine with J being home all the time, him working out what he's going to do and me learning to work around him being here. He's good at understanding I have a routine and I'm hoping he's not going to interrupt.

I want to find a proper blogging and commenting schedule.

I want to do a full de-clutter of the house... sort out things like paperwork, clothing, towels, bedding etc. All the little things that keep getting forgotten. Start the new year with a good clear out.

I want to read one book.
lucymorningstar: (Default)
2016-12-14 12:47 pm
Entry tags:

Currently...

I am currently stretched out on the sofa, listening to George Michael singing Last Christmas. I have the house to myself - J&S are at work and I've finished all my chores for the day so I have the afternoon to do as I please. I'm warm, the fire is on and Odin is stretched out asleep in front of it. He's dreaming, back legs twitching and making some interesting noises. Aslan is curled up on my feet and Jadis is on the back of the sofa. They're both asleep too.

I keep trying to read but I'm finding myself far too easily distracted for that. I'm thinking of maybe joining them in a nap. But I'm also tempted to put on a movie - Harry Potter, maybe - or get out the cards and play some solitare.
lucymorningstar: (McKay)
2016-12-13 06:41 pm
Entry tags:

My life right now

I know 2016 has been a... difficult year for the world in general. There's been a lot of loss of celebrity, a lot of political unrest and upheaval. But personally, I've had a really good, really postive year.

I've found new hobbies to enjoy. I've found a routine that works for me. I've found a medication/therapy regimen that is working for me and providing me with some stability. I'm loved. I'm health. I'm happy.

There's some big changes at home happening soon with J retiring - I'm nervous but also confident it will all work out.

Overall, I'm really looking forward to 2017
lucymorningstar: (Default)
2016-11-15 06:34 pm
Entry tags:

It's the little things

In my group session last night, we were talking about how with all the crap that goes on - in our brains, in our lives, in the world around us and in the world in general - and how it's really easy to get lost in the negativity and how we get caught in a dark feedback cycle which really isn't very easy to break. And we talked about how important it is to look after ourselves, to take the time to do things for us, to do the things we like, the things we enjoy, the things that make us feel better. How self-care is good for us.

Being me, I went and made a Self Care spread in my journal, listing out some of the things I can do for myself when I start to feel stressed and overwhelmed. My top items are:

  • go for a walk

  • play with the dog and/or cats

  • do some yoga

  • take a nap

  • dance

  • take a bath

  • have a massage

  • buy fresh flowers

  • listen to some music

  • bake


  • What do you do for yourself to help combat stress? What are your favourite self-care routines?
lucymorningstar: (Lucifer)
2016-11-07 10:20 pm
Entry tags:

Routine

I like routines. I like having a structure to my day - especially my morning - and it helps me stop from getting too distracted by everything around me. Not completely but it definitely helps me. I have it written down in my bujo too, each day, and being able to tick each thing off gives me a sense of success. I also find that writing it out each day really solidifies what I'm doing.

I tried using Habitica but remembering to actually log into the website was much harder than having a notebook out on the table all the time.

It's taken me a while but I'm really pleased with the one I've got and it works for me. Of course, some days it doesn't for various reasons but because I've got it all written down, I can always go back to my checklist and see where I am. I'm usually pretty good at figuring out what I'm doing based on clues around me.

Before bed I lay out what clothes I'm going to wear tomorrow, I make sure my phone is charging, my keys etc are on the table (same goes for J's and S's) and that I'm in bed with enough time to fall asleep to sleep well.

In the morning, I like to be up and showered before J&S - stops me getting distracted wanting to clean up the bathroom, tidy up after J etc. I dress and take my meds and I'm down in the kitchen and I've fed the dog and cats and I'm having breakfast before J&S start getting ready and we're not all in each others way.
I'd like to try and work in some exercise or some meditation time into the routine but I'm so used to how my mornings go that I don't want to risk it. I do have 'go for a walk' in my afternoon schedule once everything's done around the house so it's not like I'm not getting things done.

I like having a routine because starting the day of getting things done kind of sets me up for the rest of the day - like a forward momentum of productivity. If that mkes sense. Maybe to some people doing the same tasks in the same order may seem boring but to me? It's kind of soothing
lucymorningstar: (Coulson)
2016-11-01 07:18 pm
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November!

Welcome to November, friends!

It's one of my favourite months of the year - and not just because my birthday is this month. Although, yes, that does help. It's also my mum's birthday

I just love autumn and November really embodies it for me.

I love looking outside and the leaves are all yellow and orange and red - it's so pretty! And I'm a big kid and love crunching crispy leaves underfoot
I love the weather turning colder, being able to wear big warm sweaters and jeans and boots, hats and gloves and scarves
I love dark evenings snuggled up on the couch in front of the fireplace with J & S and the cats and the dog.
I love that it's the sort of weather where I can make stews and casseroles, drink steaming mugs of apple tea or hot chocolate.
I love Bonfire Night. I adore firework displays

And did I metion that I have a birthday? LOL
lucymorningstar: (#teamsteve)
2016-10-09 03:02 pm
Entry tags:

Self Care

I have an ouchie. I've no idea how I've done it* but I've sprained my ankle - not badly just enough that it's aching and I can't put enough weight on it. Spent a couple of hours in A&E this morning, got it x-rayed to check it wasn't broken. They've strapped it up, given me some painkillers and instructed me to rest it for a few days.

Which is how I'm sitting on the couch with my foot up on a stool. S made us a roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings which was delicious. And now we're all curled up on the couch, with mugs of tea, under nice warm blankets with purring cats (and Odin flopped down over J's feet) and we're trying out some of the new season tv shows.

Some are hits, some are misses but it's fun and it's one of my favourite ways to spend time. Of course, S got all cranky with some of the science of time travel in Timeless. Although we do all agree that Hayley Atwell has amazing ass and tits in Conviction.

So yes, despite my ankle hurting, I'm focusing on the positive. I'm warm, I'm comfy, I'm snuggled up under blankets with the people I love, I have apple and cinnamon tea and I'm spending an afternoon watching TV... what's not to enjoy about that?

* Actually, I know exactly what I've done to it. J's got himself all interested in predicament bondage...and this is not a complaint because that is just fun! But when we were playing this morning, I wobbled a little too much and went over on my ankle. Oops!
lucymorningstar: (Harry)
2016-10-08 11:16 am
Entry tags:

Good life

It's not something you often see people saying online but things are really good right. I'm really content, really happy and yeah, things are good.

My health is about as stable as it gets - good combination of medication and therapy and my support group.

S is home from her research position in Manchester. She's still flying high from it but she's also really enjoying being back to teaching. She loves doing both and J and I love seeing her so happy and energised. She has this... glow, this aura around her and it's infectious. I hope it's inspiring her students to see how excited someone can get.

We spent a few weeks reconnecting as a family, just enjoying spending time together - doing stuff and... not doing stuff and simply being together. We really do work in sync so much better when the three of us are togther - it just... works. We're definitely all happier.

Now, things are back to normal and the usual routines are back in place and everything is just wonderful :)
lucymorningstar: (Lucifer Beach Wings)
2016-08-20 06:19 pm
Entry tags:

Lonely but greatful

I do not like sleeping alone. We have this lovely huge bed but last night it seemed some vast expanse of emptiness. I kept rolling over and there was no-one pressed up against me, no-one to cuddle up to. It took me ages over the last couple of weeks to get used to mostly just having J in the bed so being on my own last night was horrible. And there's still two more nights of it.

Monday will come soon enough though and I will have my bed back the way I like it, even if it's only for one night before S is back to Manchester.

I should be grateful though.
We have a comfortable enough life that S is able to just whisk J away for their anniversary.
We have this huge, comfortable bed.
And I have the two best people in the world to share it with.
I have family who understand that it's not necessarily safe for me to be left alone for too long - and who don't mind 'babysitting' me for the weekend.
I'm spending quality time with my little sister enjoying some fun movies and tv shows, and sampling some of the best delivery service the town provides.

Life is good. I shouldn't complain - but I do miss J&S something fierce!
lucymorningstar: (Brand New)
2016-05-30 01:09 am

Insomnia Strikes

I think I need to speak to my doctor about my sleep again - as you can see, it's almost 1am and I'm wide awake. If current rouine is to be expected, I'll crash out around 01:45 and sleep really hard until about 5:30. And then spend most of the day feeling very groggy and tired and lethargic. It's been about a week now and I'm unhappy about it. Possibly an adjustment in dosage of something or other.

I've taken to sleeping in what gets designated as "my" room - second largest of the bedrooms and with staircase heading up to loft conversion - rather than our room. I don't want my lack of sleep disturbing J or S. Although 80% of the time, when I wake up, one of them - usually S - will be in the bed with me.

Lets see, what else is going on?

Watching NCIS earlier and it really is worth noting that Mark Harmon is a very attractive man. He's starting to look his age, but it's not detracting from his handsomeness.
Mark Weatherley, on the other hand, is not aging well. Although the older he gets, the more genius the casting of Robert Wagner as DiNozzo Snr is because WOW the resemblance is remarkable.
I've noticed that I've missed a couple of seasons of NCIS: Los Angeles and that there's an NCIS: New Orleans now as well, so I might make watching those a summer project.

Summer is always strange around here. We're hitting the time of year where the university students all go home for the summer but the tourists haven't descended yet. It's starting like a bit of a ghost town and it's quite spooky. It'll be like it another 6 weeks or so, then things will be insane in August. I like this time of year though because S basically takes these 6 weeks off. Come August, she'll be busy with organisation, prep, research, locking herself in the lab and doing stuff. But these 6 weeks, she just kicks back and enjoys her summer. J normally takes some time off too and we're talking about going away somewhere, maybe just a long weekend, maybe a week.

We need to get to see the new X Men movie.

I've found a couple of 30-day exercise challenges that I might try in June. My weight is coming down slowly and I always find healthy eating easier in the warmer weather.
So there's a 30-day ab challenge full of sit ups, crunches, leg raises and planks - and I need to work out the difference between a sit up and a crunch.
And there's a 30 day beginner fitness one full of lunges, leg raises, wall sits, squats, jumping jacks and other stuff I've never heard of so wil have to google.
I've also been looking at the beginner routine from Blogilates on Youtube.

Speaking of Youtube, I am so completely in love with watching Plan With Me videos. I may have mentioned this before. But it's basically just videos of people with their planners and sticker kits and doing their planning for the week ahead. There's something really calming and relaxing about it.
There's part of me that would love to do something like that but I am so not prepared to pay the price of that style of planner and throw in the cost of the sticker kits and it starts getting ridiculous

So I'll be sticking to my bullet journal. I've actually now bought myself a purple A5 Moleskine for doing it and some I think they're Inkmate pens. Hopefully the postman will bring them Tuesday so I can get everything set up in there before June properly starts on Wednesday. I've kept up with it for the whole of May, I've worked out what layouts and collections I like/work for me - I don't like stickers or embellishments, just nice and neat and functional. Mine isn't all artsy and creative like some of the really pretty ones you see out there but... well, why should I let that stop me doing what works for me?

I said about 30 day challenges. I might even get round to carrying on with that 30 day blog one. I thought about writing the answer to the next one in this post but it's a pretty depressing topic so I don't think I will. I'll answer that tomorrow - might need to figure out how to do one of those 'read the rest behind here' things because it's about suicide and I don't want to trigger anyone by them not scrolling/skipping past it.
lucymorningstar: (John)
2016-05-14 01:49 pm

Sunshine in Wales

Good afternoon!

It's a lovely warm day here in North Wales, and I'm enjoying a spot of sun in my garden. I have a cat stretched out on my lap, J is doing some gardening (strange man, actually enjoys it) and S is doing one of her Sudoku puzzles (strange woman, actually enjoys them)

I feel like I might be starting to fight my way out of the darkness. I can still feel it pulling on my ankles but I'm mostly reaching for the surface. Afternoons like this help. I also managed to conquer my inbox and finish my to-do list. It's a pretty big list but a lot of it is a list of ebay shops that I'd like to check out and some money off codes and stuff.

The ebay shops are all for planning stickers. Have I mentioned recently my love for planners and organisers and the bullet journal system? My Leuchttrum dotgrid journal came in the mail this week but I don't want to use it yet until I'm completely happy with how I'm doing it. I'm just using a cheap grid notebook with a faux leather cover. I'm mostly happy with my collections, my monthly/weekly/daily spreads but it's mostly just refining them. I've also been watching a metric ton of planwithme videos on youtube and strangely I find them incredibly relaxing and calming, but it's also made me want to do that style of planning with the kits and so I kind of ordered myself a MAMBI Happy Planner but it's on back-order.
When I actually set up properly, I'll totally take pictures and stuff and share how I'm using it. I'm not creative or artistic and I have crap handwriting so mine don't look anywhere near as awesome as some of the ones I see but I'm trying really hard not to compare myself. I should be proud of what I'm creating!

I've started making a draft of the post about discipline vs punishment and I'm hoping to get that posted later this evening. Although J is talking about firing up the barbecue if the weather stays this could so that's always fun too!
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
2016-04-23 08:57 am

Family

I ended up having a soak in the tub last night, before curling up in bed and watching a couple of episodes of Arrow. I took a sleeping pill so I was able to sleep kind of ok, although I feel fuzzy and weird this morning.

I've done an online grocery shop which will be delivered tomorrow. It felt weird not going around the store with J - a lot less fun doing it that way! Cheaper too.

I'm currently curled up in bed still, eating chocolate granola, listening to some music and writing out my to-do list for today. I want to spend some time playing around with different layouts for weekly and monthly spreads in my bullet journal.
I also want to add a links page to my website over at http://lucyshiningone.wordpress.com

I'm actually going to recommend this song. It's called My Name Is Trouble by a band called Jess & The Bandits


Um. So a couple of you asked yesterday about what J's family know about us. J's family don't know about me. He had a very strained relationship with them anyway - he's the youngest and the black sheep in many ways. They disagreed with a lot of the choices he's made - they're very, proper, I guess. They flipped when he divorced his first wife. They never approved of S. His son from his first marriage is the only person who knows (that we know of)
S's close family - her dad and brother - know. Her dad mostly just laughed and said one person would never be enough for S to worry about!
My parents only know about J - and were worried enough about the age difference. J is only one years younger than my mum! My older brother and younger sisters knows, I don't know what my older sister knows.

We all decided between us so J's family not knowing about me doesn't bother me. It's more that I want to be there for him. I love him and he's hurting and I'm feeling helpless. I know there wasn't anything I could really do even if I was there but even so!
lucymorningstar: (Harry)
2016-04-18 02:31 pm

Garfield-like

This morning has very much been a Monday. I didn't sleep very well again last night - I couldn't get comfortable, I was too hot/too cold, and when I did sleep I had incredibly bizarre dreams. I ended up getting out of bed and going to sleep in the guest bedroom. I didn't want to disturb J&S

I know I was half-awake around 4:30 or so and S was curling up around me. She muttered about me not being in bed then went back to sleep. I dozed until she got up, then we all had breakfast. I kind of lazed around this morning, waiting for a parcel but mostly feeling very fuzzy and groggy from lack of sleep. I fell deeep into the black of hole of Pinterest. Seriously, that site is amazing
I'm https://uk.pinterest.com/lucyshiningone/ if anyone else is there

Late morning I got a text saying the parcel would be coming tomorrow, so I showered and dressed around midday. Walked into town to get some things I needed, met up with J for some lunch then came home. I've been setting up my bullet journal and watching TV.

Pretty much a wasted day but I still don't feel quite right from the lack of sleep. S has ordered takeout, and we got The Force Awakens on DVD today so I think it's going to be a nice chill evening.

I'm going to need to keep track of sleep and mood though, just in case this becomes a thing and we need to start playing with drugs and doses - which I really don't want :(