A Do-Over

Jan. 1st, 2017 06:10 pm
lucymorningstar: (Default)
Clearly, J, S & I are too old to do the staying up to see in the New Year and associated fun times that we had until the small hours of the morning. This afternoon we were watching ET and S fell asleep. Next thing I know, J had shaken us both awake and sent us to bed. Well, OK, he sent me to bed and strongly suggested that S to as well. Which we did. And then he joined us. There wasn't even any sex, literally just sleeping.

Woke up about an hour and a half later and J had gone, left a note saying he'd gone to the football match. Mad man. It's raining out there and it's like 6 degrees- and he complains about his back and his knees and he's gone to watch a bunch of guys running around a football field. Ah well, he enjoys it at least.

I'm definitely still tired. I keep getting glimpses of this black shadowy figure out of the corner of my eye and a sense of being watched, and this strangest sensation of everything being muted by static. Not entirely pleasant. I'm 90% sure it's a hallucination but you always wonder. I also have no concentration span, I have no idea what's going on the movie - I'm not foowing it at all. I'm fidgety and it's taken me like 40 minutes to write this.
I've checked my pillbox and all my meds are taken. Note made of symptoms and influences in my tracker.
Ah the fun of mental health.

Can I have a do-over on January 1st, please?

S and I are watching Despicable Me and trying to decide what to have for dinner - and apparently I keep 'wandering off' while we're talking so I probably won't be allowed to cook, at least not unsupervised. We've narrowed it down to either a three-cheese risotto (because J isn't home and we can have fun experimenting/having new foods) or just having pie and mash.
lucymorningstar: (Brand New)
I think I need to speak to my doctor about my sleep again - as you can see, it's almost 1am and I'm wide awake. If current rouine is to be expected, I'll crash out around 01:45 and sleep really hard until about 5:30. And then spend most of the day feeling very groggy and tired and lethargic. It's been about a week now and I'm unhappy about it. Possibly an adjustment in dosage of something or other.

I've taken to sleeping in what gets designated as "my" room - second largest of the bedrooms and with staircase heading up to loft conversion - rather than our room. I don't want my lack of sleep disturbing J or S. Although 80% of the time, when I wake up, one of them - usually S - will be in the bed with me.

Lets see, what else is going on?

Watching NCIS earlier and it really is worth noting that Mark Harmon is a very attractive man. He's starting to look his age, but it's not detracting from his handsomeness.
Mark Weatherley, on the other hand, is not aging well. Although the older he gets, the more genius the casting of Robert Wagner as DiNozzo Snr is because WOW the resemblance is remarkable.
I've noticed that I've missed a couple of seasons of NCIS: Los Angeles and that there's an NCIS: New Orleans now as well, so I might make watching those a summer project.

Summer is always strange around here. We're hitting the time of year where the university students all go home for the summer but the tourists haven't descended yet. It's starting like a bit of a ghost town and it's quite spooky. It'll be like it another 6 weeks or so, then things will be insane in August. I like this time of year though because S basically takes these 6 weeks off. Come August, she'll be busy with organisation, prep, research, locking herself in the lab and doing stuff. But these 6 weeks, she just kicks back and enjoys her summer. J normally takes some time off too and we're talking about going away somewhere, maybe just a long weekend, maybe a week.

We need to get to see the new X Men movie.

I've found a couple of 30-day exercise challenges that I might try in June. My weight is coming down slowly and I always find healthy eating easier in the warmer weather.
So there's a 30-day ab challenge full of sit ups, crunches, leg raises and planks - and I need to work out the difference between a sit up and a crunch.
And there's a 30 day beginner fitness one full of lunges, leg raises, wall sits, squats, jumping jacks and other stuff I've never heard of so wil have to google.
I've also been looking at the beginner routine from Blogilates on Youtube.

Speaking of Youtube, I am so completely in love with watching Plan With Me videos. I may have mentioned this before. But it's basically just videos of people with their planners and sticker kits and doing their planning for the week ahead. There's something really calming and relaxing about it.
There's part of me that would love to do something like that but I am so not prepared to pay the price of that style of planner and throw in the cost of the sticker kits and it starts getting ridiculous

So I'll be sticking to my bullet journal. I've actually now bought myself a purple A5 Moleskine for doing it and some I think they're Inkmate pens. Hopefully the postman will bring them Tuesday so I can get everything set up in there before June properly starts on Wednesday. I've kept up with it for the whole of May, I've worked out what layouts and collections I like/work for me - I don't like stickers or embellishments, just nice and neat and functional. Mine isn't all artsy and creative like some of the really pretty ones you see out there but... well, why should I let that stop me doing what works for me?

I said about 30 day challenges. I might even get round to carrying on with that 30 day blog one. I thought about writing the answer to the next one in this post but it's a pretty depressing topic so I don't think I will. I'll answer that tomorrow - might need to figure out how to do one of those 'read the rest behind here' things because it's about suicide and I don't want to trigger anyone by them not scrolling/skipping past it.
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
There's only one problem with spending the best part of the late morning/early afternoon portion of today asleep. And that's the fact it's 3am and I'm wide awake. The realisation of it being 3am means I'm pressing play on the Matchbox Twenty song which I hadn't even thought of in years so there's that.

I've written something of a mini bio on my profile page but the more I try the more I realise I'm absolutely crap at writing those things - how much is enough information? How do I know if the nuggets I'm giving out are suitably interesting? It's also very possible I over-think the issue.
There's such a wide range of them I've seen out there - some people just listing adjectives and bullet points, and some people write in full on pargraphs. I can't quite decide which version I like.

In my last post, I actually used S's name. That's been edited now.

Family

Apr. 23rd, 2016 08:57 am
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
I ended up having a soak in the tub last night, before curling up in bed and watching a couple of episodes of Arrow. I took a sleeping pill so I was able to sleep kind of ok, although I feel fuzzy and weird this morning.

I've done an online grocery shop which will be delivered tomorrow. It felt weird not going around the store with J - a lot less fun doing it that way! Cheaper too.

I'm currently curled up in bed still, eating chocolate granola, listening to some music and writing out my to-do list for today. I want to spend some time playing around with different layouts for weekly and monthly spreads in my bullet journal.
I also want to add a links page to my website over at http://lucyshiningone.wordpress.com

I'm actually going to recommend this song. It's called My Name Is Trouble by a band called Jess & The Bandits


Um. So a couple of you asked yesterday about what J's family know about us. J's family don't know about me. He had a very strained relationship with them anyway - he's the youngest and the black sheep in many ways. They disagreed with a lot of the choices he's made - they're very, proper, I guess. They flipped when he divorced his first wife. They never approved of S. His son from his first marriage is the only person who knows (that we know of)
S's close family - her dad and brother - know. Her dad mostly just laughed and said one person would never be enough for S to worry about!
My parents only know about J - and were worried enough about the age difference. J is only one years younger than my mum! My older brother and younger sisters knows, I don't know what my older sister knows.

We all decided between us so J's family not knowing about me doesn't bother me. It's more that I want to be there for him. I love him and he's hurting and I'm feeling helpless. I know there wasn't anything I could really do even if I was there but even so!
lucymorningstar: (Lucifer Beach Wings)
Today couldn't have been much more different than yesterday if it had tried - I went from having barely any sleep to having ALL the sleep. I fell asleep on the couch pretty early - and during The Force Awakens no less! S woke me up about 9 and I dragged myself off to bed. Slept like a complete log all night, completely missed J&S coming to bed last night and getting up this morning. I didn't wake up til just after 10am.

I spent the morning mostly just hibernating. I downloaded and watched Lucifer - and OMG! to that - while waiting for two deliveries to come.
One box of stuff for S, I have no idea what's in it but I get the feeling it's going to involve pain, pleasure or both for me and J
One Amazon delivery for me with a few stationery supplies. I'm getting my bulletjournal set up nicely, still playing around with some layouts and I'm so uncreative it's embarassing, really. It looks nowhere near as nice as the ones I'm seeing online.

This afternoon... I honestly have no idea what I've spent the day doing. There was some laundry, I took out the rubbish and the recycling. I swept and mopt the kitchen. I did cook us a very nice coq au vin, even if I do say so myself.

It's now 8pm, I'm curled up on the big bean bag in the living room. We're watching Sanctuary and I'm realising I haven't done any of my Maths, English or Science today, so I should probably get on with that... because I could quite easily just put the laptop down and go to sleep.
lucymorningstar: (Harry)
This morning has very much been a Monday. I didn't sleep very well again last night - I couldn't get comfortable, I was too hot/too cold, and when I did sleep I had incredibly bizarre dreams. I ended up getting out of bed and going to sleep in the guest bedroom. I didn't want to disturb J&S

I know I was half-awake around 4:30 or so and S was curling up around me. She muttered about me not being in bed then went back to sleep. I dozed until she got up, then we all had breakfast. I kind of lazed around this morning, waiting for a parcel but mostly feeling very fuzzy and groggy from lack of sleep. I fell deeep into the black of hole of Pinterest. Seriously, that site is amazing
I'm https://uk.pinterest.com/lucyshiningone/ if anyone else is there

Late morning I got a text saying the parcel would be coming tomorrow, so I showered and dressed around midday. Walked into town to get some things I needed, met up with J for some lunch then came home. I've been setting up my bullet journal and watching TV.

Pretty much a wasted day but I still don't feel quite right from the lack of sleep. S has ordered takeout, and we got The Force Awakens on DVD today so I think it's going to be a nice chill evening.

I'm going to need to keep track of sleep and mood though, just in case this becomes a thing and we need to start playing with drugs and doses - which I really don't want :(

Croeso!

I'm Lucy, a 30-something woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing.

I'm bisexual and poly, living in North Wales with my partners J&S. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

I haved lived for so long under the shadow of a number of mental health diagnoses, letting them define me rather than just be part of me. For too long I've been "Lucy the Schizo" and I want to find out who 'Lucy' is

Welcome aboard my journey. I'm glad you're here and looking forward to getting to know you as we get to know me!

♥ Current Obsessions ♥
Aliens. Angels. Atlantis. Bullet Journals. Cryptozoology. Doctor Who. German. Lucifer. MacGyver 2016. Marvel. Maths. Mythology. Space. Star Wars. Time travel

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