lucymorningstar: (Harry)
Today has been a very good day, especially food wise.

I spent this afternoon baking chocolate fudge cupcakes and the kitchen smelled wonderful. S was very happy because she loves chocolate cupcakes and she just kept hanging around the kitchen like a kid. I even let her lick the spoon haha

And then this evening I made macaroni cheese. My own special recipe using mustard, bacon and tomatoes. J loves it and was literally poking me while it was cooking, asking how long it was going to take. Then the poking lead to tickling and S joined in and really they were lucky dinner didn't get burned ;)

I thought though that I would share my recipe because I'm nice like that and everyone deserves to try it because it's amazing!

Macaroni Cheese with Bacon and Tomatoes

240g elbow macaroni
100g smoked bacon lardons
2 onions, peeled and finely diced
2 tomatoes, chopped
2 cloves garlic, peeled and finely diced
40g butter
40g flour
1/2 teaspoon Dijon Mustard
450ml milk
150g grated mature Cheddar cheese (plus extra for the topping)
salt and pepper to taste

Pre-heat oven to 200C/400F/Gas mark 6.
Boil macaroni in salted water and drain. Add cold water and drain again. Set to one side
Add the bacon lardons, onion, tomatoes and garlic to a frying pan and sauté over a medium heat until the bacon is crisp and the tomatoes and onions are cooked.
Add the bacon, tomato and onion mix to the cooked macaroni and mix well. Spoon the macaroni and bacon mixture into a buttered oven proof dish.
To make the sauce: melt the butter then add the flour and mustard powder and mix well. Add the milk gradually, beating well, and then simmer over a low heat until you have a thick sauce. Add the grated Cheddar cheese and mix until melted, then season to taste with salt and pepper.
Pour the sauce over the macaroni mixture, scatter some extra grated cheese over the top and bake in pre-heated oven for 15 to 20 minutes until golden brown and bubbling.

Beef Stew

Nov. 5th, 2016 04:20 pm
lucymorningstar: (Blue)
I wish you guys could smell my kitchen right now, or anywhere in my house because it's mouthwatering. I've had a beef stew in the oven for the last couple of hours, it's still got about an hour to go. The cats and dog are both sitting staring through the kitchen door and I'm half surprised that J isnt sitting there with them too

He keeps telling us how good it smells and how hungry it's making him. I swear if he doesn't let up, S is gonna spank him one haha

Mind, he was nicely Dominant this morning. They both were. But that's a different story that has nothing to do with my beef stew.

It's a pretty simple dish, not much prep... just a nice, long, slow, cooking process.
You start with softening some celery, some onion, bay and thyme in butter and vegetable oil. Stir in some flour, some tomato puree, beef stock cubes and (my secret ingredient) worcestershire sauce.
Gradually stir in boiling water, and the stewing beef and bring to a gentle simmer
Cover and pop in the oven (gas mark 3) for 2 and a half hours.
I've just taken off the lid and put it back in the oven - in about 45 minutes to an hour the beef will be really tender and sauce will be thick and it will be perfect.

Until then, I catch up on another episode of Frequency on Netflix
lucymorningstar: (Default)
Just a flyby update tonight.

We've just got in from a lovely meal out celebrating J's birthday. 64 today. S & I spoiled him rotten - some DVDs and CDs he wanted, some whiskey, a new suit he'd seen and liked, a new fishing rod, some new... y'know... toys so I forsee a fun weekend ahead!

C's coming over at some point in the next couple days and he's got him this drill kit he'd been waxing lyrical about. J's retiring in the new year so I'm wondering if this is a sign of DIY to come!
lucymorningstar: (Blue)
Someone on a different social media site asked me the other day 'how does your relationship work' and I was completely stumped. How do you answer that question? My reply at the time was a smart-ass 'same as any two-person monogamous relationship, just that there's three of us'

But I've been thinking about that question a lot and how to answer it.

The number one thing? Love. Between all of us, all three of us and all three two-somes. J&S have their night on a Tuesday when I'm at support group meet, I spent Thursdays with S when she's not teaching and Saturday has always been me and J's time together. We have a weekly date night on a Friday when we all go out - usually a meal and a movie and Sunday afternoons is always family time.

Honesty - and communication. Kind of obvious, I would have thought. But it goes without saying, there's no lies between us, no secrets. No saying "It's fine" or "I'm OK" when that's not the truth. We talk everything out. Cliche as it may be, never go to bed on an argument or angry.
And arguments do happen, sometimes big and sometimes small. We're all only people after all.

No intentional comparison of the past or talking about Ex's unless we have to. J's ex-wife is still on the peripheral of our lives through their son, and C is part of our lives so yes, his mum gets brought up in conversation. And yes, S gets jealous at times but she doesn't lie about it - J and his ex shared something that J&S don't. Again it's down to honesty and communication and considering other peoples feelings.

There's a very important word. Sorry. And meaning it when you say it. And saying it when you mean it.

We're all very affectionate. And, really, is there anything better than being cuddled up with two pretty damn hot people? Kisses and cuddles and sex are definitely still part of our lives.

Now, if we're talking about how the... other part of our relationship works - that's a whole lot simpler. S is Dominant, J's a switch (probably about 70% sub/30% Dom) and I'm a sub. Most of the time, we're both submitting to S... sometimes I'm submitting to J too - sometimes just J. We have our likes and dislikes and they all mostly gel nicely together. We've been doing this long enough after all heh
We don't just have kinky sex though - regular vanilla sex is just as much fun.

There's more to it than just that but that's kind of the basics of it. Surely the same can be said for most healthy relationships?

Self Care

Oct. 9th, 2016 03:02 pm
lucymorningstar: (#teamsteve)
I have an ouchie. I've no idea how I've done it* but I've sprained my ankle - not badly just enough that it's aching and I can't put enough weight on it. Spent a couple of hours in A&E this morning, got it x-rayed to check it wasn't broken. They've strapped it up, given me some painkillers and instructed me to rest it for a few days.

Which is how I'm sitting on the couch with my foot up on a stool. S made us a roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings which was delicious. And now we're all curled up on the couch, with mugs of tea, under nice warm blankets with purring cats (and Odin flopped down over J's feet) and we're trying out some of the new season tv shows.

Some are hits, some are misses but it's fun and it's one of my favourite ways to spend time. Of course, S got all cranky with some of the science of time travel in Timeless. Although we do all agree that Hayley Atwell has amazing ass and tits in Conviction.

So yes, despite my ankle hurting, I'm focusing on the positive. I'm warm, I'm comfy, I'm snuggled up under blankets with the people I love, I have apple and cinnamon tea and I'm spending an afternoon watching TV... what's not to enjoy about that?

* Actually, I know exactly what I've done to it. J's got himself all interested in predicament bondage...and this is not a complaint because that is just fun! But when we were playing this morning, I wobbled a little too much and went over on my ankle. Oops!

Good life

Oct. 8th, 2016 11:16 am
lucymorningstar: (Harry)
It's not something you often see people saying online but things are really good right. I'm really content, really happy and yeah, things are good.

My health is about as stable as it gets - good combination of medication and therapy and my support group.

S is home from her research position in Manchester. She's still flying high from it but she's also really enjoying being back to teaching. She loves doing both and J and I love seeing her so happy and energised. She has this... glow, this aura around her and it's infectious. I hope it's inspiring her students to see how excited someone can get.

We spent a few weeks reconnecting as a family, just enjoying spending time together - doing stuff and... not doing stuff and simply being together. We really do work in sync so much better when the three of us are togther - it just... works. We're definitely all happier.

Now, things are back to normal and the usual routines are back in place and everything is just wonderful :)
lucymorningstar: (Lucifer Beach Wings)
I do not like sleeping alone. We have this lovely huge bed but last night it seemed some vast expanse of emptiness. I kept rolling over and there was no-one pressed up against me, no-one to cuddle up to. It took me ages over the last couple of weeks to get used to mostly just having J in the bed so being on my own last night was horrible. And there's still two more nights of it.

Monday will come soon enough though and I will have my bed back the way I like it, even if it's only for one night before S is back to Manchester.

I should be grateful though.
We have a comfortable enough life that S is able to just whisk J away for their anniversary.
We have this huge, comfortable bed.
And I have the two best people in the world to share it with.
I have family who understand that it's not necessarily safe for me to be left alone for too long - and who don't mind 'babysitting' me for the weekend.
I'm spending quality time with my little sister enjoying some fun movies and tv shows, and sampling some of the best delivery service the town provides.

Life is good. I shouldn't complain - but I do miss J&S something fierce!
lucymorningstar: (#teamsteve)
I've had a quick phonecall from S to let me know her and J arrived safely in New York so that's one less thing to worry about.

My little sister Polly has come to stay with me for the weekend and we're just having a pause in the middle of having an MCU marathon. The plan is to watch as many of the tv shows/movies in internal chronological order, because we are complete geeks. It was her idea but I have no complaints about it. I know we won't get the whole thing done in one weekend but at least we have plans for... quite a few weekends over the rest of the year haha.

So far today we've watched Captain America: The First Avenger and the first three episodes of Agent Carter. We're taking a quick break, ordering in some takeout, refreshing drinks, doing some stretches before we dive back in with the rest of the show.

I do love me some Peggy Carter. That Hayley Atwell is one fine looking lady.
I'd love to know how they make Chris Evans look so scrawny in Captain America. That man is many things but puny he is not! He is also one fine looking man!
lucymorningstar: (B&W Mac)
Happy 12th wedding anniversary to my J&S. ♥
And they're still so completely in love, you should see the way they look at each other!

She came back from Manchester late last night to surprise J and she's whisking him away to New York for the weekend to celebrate which gives me chnce to prep for my surprise when they come home. 12th anniversary is traditionally silk so I've got them (ok, us LOL) some gorgeous new silk sheets :D
lucymorningstar: (Sunbeam)
Today was... interesting to say the least.

Yesterday was my Dad's birthday, and he decided that he and my mum were going to come on a trip to visit '[me] and J'. He's just turned 70 and I think he's becoming more aware of his mortality because recently one of his friends died and he's had a bit of an epiphany that he cant keep putting things off. One of the things he's always wanted to do is go to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch which is only about 5 minutes from us. So he decided they'd come and stay with us for a few days.

Of course, they didn't know about S, only me and J (which my mum had issues with as it was) and we couldn't exactly kick her out the house for the weekend so it was decided that we'd tell them the truth about the three of us when they got here this afternoon.

It wasnt easy. It took a little bit of explaining for them to understand. Mum was very shocked but did say that explained why J & I weren't getting married, and that she's looking forward to getting to know S. Dad basically said he knew there'd been something we hadn't been telling him, that it would take time for them to come to terms with - but they didn't leave so I'm guessing that's something.

So right now my parents have gone to bed. J&S are in the living room and I'm hiding away in my little desk area. I've just put together my bullet journal spread for this week and now I'm watching some videos on youtube and I'm thinking I won't be long to bed.

Tomorrow is a day out with my parents going to Llanfair, maybe S will be coming too. Who knows what the day will bring. But I think it's going to be interesting again
lucymorningstar: (Harry)
Following on from my declaration the other day that I have the best boyfriend ever, it is also very much worth mentioning that my S is the best girlfriend ever.

She turned around yesterday and apologised, said she thought she'd been a bit harsh with punishing me for losing my phone and had a present for me. She got me a personal planner. Not an expensive filofax one but one she said she saw and thought of me look how awesome it is )

I've bought some WO2P inserts from SewMuchCrafting and some planner sticker kits from Thumbprints co (and that link will get you 10% off)

S also got me some stickers )
lucymorningstar: (B&W Mac)
This time a topic I've thought long and hard about how to answer. My answer itself is very simple but it's the wording of it. I've also gone and learned how to do an post-cut thing so as to hide things from people who, for various reasons, wouldn't feel comfortable reading about it. The last thing I want is to accidentally trigger someone.

A time I thought about ending my own life )
lucymorningstar: (John)
Good afternoon!

It's a lovely warm day here in North Wales, and I'm enjoying a spot of sun in my garden. I have a cat stretched out on my lap, J is doing some gardening (strange man, actually enjoys it) and S is doing one of her Sudoku puzzles (strange woman, actually enjoys them)

I feel like I might be starting to fight my way out of the darkness. I can still feel it pulling on my ankles but I'm mostly reaching for the surface. Afternoons like this help. I also managed to conquer my inbox and finish my to-do list. It's a pretty big list but a lot of it is a list of ebay shops that I'd like to check out and some money off codes and stuff.

The ebay shops are all for planning stickers. Have I mentioned recently my love for planners and organisers and the bullet journal system? My Leuchttrum dotgrid journal came in the mail this week but I don't want to use it yet until I'm completely happy with how I'm doing it. I'm just using a cheap grid notebook with a faux leather cover. I'm mostly happy with my collections, my monthly/weekly/daily spreads but it's mostly just refining them. I've also been watching a metric ton of planwithme videos on youtube and strangely I find them incredibly relaxing and calming, but it's also made me want to do that style of planning with the kits and so I kind of ordered myself a MAMBI Happy Planner but it's on back-order.
When I actually set up properly, I'll totally take pictures and stuff and share how I'm using it. I'm not creative or artistic and I have crap handwriting so mine don't look anywhere near as awesome as some of the ones I see but I'm trying really hard not to compare myself. I should be proud of what I'm creating!

I've started making a draft of the post about discipline vs punishment and I'm hoping to get that posted later this evening. Although J is talking about firing up the barbecue if the weather stays this could so that's always fun too!
lucymorningstar: (Sunbeam)
Right, lets see if I can get back to that 30 day meme I meant to carry on posting... hah because that started off SO well, right?

Day 2 asks Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
I would be perfectly happy to still be exactly where I am, how utterly boring is that? I've just found a place - physically, emotionally and mentally - that's really good, that's REALLY good and it works. I'm happy and I want to stay here forever, if such a concept even exists.

Living here in North Wales with J&S. J will be retired, S will probaby have taken early retirement.
We may have a place somewhere warmer for the Winter - Spain or Italy - because J will be older and crankier with worse knees and back. God I'll be nearly 50 which is twice as long as I ever thought I'd live. I would love to be even more in control of my mental health issues, be better at identifying and managing what triggers me.

We definitely won't have any children - it's not something S or I want. Maybe C will have given J some grandchildren for him to spoil?
If I had my way, we'd have more animals.
S would have found the land to have a horse or a couple of horses. She loves to ride and doesn't get to do it too often which frustrates her.
J would love for us to travel more.

And just imagine if a relationship like ours was officially recognised and the three of us could be legally married

30 Day Meme

May. 3rd, 2016 10:50 pm
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
I found one of those 30 Day Memes that I was eager to try and I'd planned on starting it on Sunday but it's been a pretty insanely busy couple of days and I've been a little... y'know... tied up. I don't suppose there are any rules about starting it today instead though, and having it run 30 days from now instead?

It looks like this ) and so moving swiftly on to Day 1.
My current relationship

I have two wonderful partners, J&S - you may have heard me mention them before. J is a 63 year old guy, S is a 47 year old woman. We've been together for 6 years and living together for 5. THEY have been together for 18 years, married for 11. None of us knew we were polyamorous or planned to have this kind of relationship... it sort of just happened.

I met J in a BDSM club. He is a switch but was needing to Dom (S is also a Dom) and he was there not only with S's knowledge, but she was watching him. I knew he was either married or recently separated - he had a tanline on his ring finger. We played a couple of times, had a little bit of a fling really. After a couple of sessions, he turned around and told me his wife wanted to join in, was I interested? We all met, we had some drinks and then we played. A couple of times. We started all doing other things together, not just playing and... and somehow it sort of just... built from there. And the three of us are... the three of us.

There is no lying, there is no cheating. There is no sleeping around. It really pisses me off, and it really hurts, when people assume that I'm in some kind of open relationship and just fuck whoever I want, whenever I want. That J and/or S are doing the same.
There is no-one else for any of us. We are in a fully commited long-term relationship. It just happens that there's three of us, rather than the more socially acceptable two.

Home Again

Apr. 27th, 2016 10:20 pm
lucymorningstar: (Lucifer Beach Wings)
The funeral was... well, it was a funeral. It was heartbreaking and poignant and is there anything worse than seeing one of the people you love the most cry and knowing there's nothing you can do? I don't think I've ever seen J cry and I don't ever want to again.
(I will, however, take a moment to note that man looks amazing in a suit. As does S. It felt weird thinking that in the situation but it still crossed my mind)

J... I don't know if 'came out' is the proper term for it but J's family know now that J is in a relationship with me as well as S, that the three of us are together. There was a lot of disapproving and I think it's broken some already tenuous relationships but he seemed a lot happier for having the truth out.
There isn't really a word for how it made me feel. That he did something so hard, that he did something knowing it could mean losing some of his actual family because he wanted to properly acknowledge me, us, all of us, at such a time. His mum hated S, hated that J left his first wife - although he never abandoned his son. 18 years J & S have been together and his mum never accepted it.

This evening has been a weird one. I've been having hallucinations and zoning out quite badly, really struggling to focus on what voices are real. Logically I know it's the stress of the last few days, that it'll take a few days once everything has settled down for everything to get back to normal. To a new kind of normal, in some ways. Everything's changed for J and he'll need to get used to that and all me and S can do is be there for him.

I think maybe it's a good time to go crawl into bed and just hold him, be with him.
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
I had a phonecall from J just now. Him and S are missing me just as much as I'm missing them and he wants me to go there, to be with them. To attend the funeral. And he's not going to hide that I'm with them. I know how hard that was for him, I know how hard it's going to be - for him, for S, for me. Mostly, I'm just glad I'm going to be there to be able to support him. I'm not entirely sure what the fallout will be but the fact he's willing to take that risk? <3

Apparently it will take 3 hours to get there on the train and 3 changes too. Honestly, that's not something I think I could do and I told him so. He said he didn't think so and will ask C (his son from his first marriage) to come and pick me up.

So C is on his way to come get me. It's something like a 2 hour drive each way. I need to pack. S as also sent me a little list of things she wants me to bring.

I adore C!
He's - right now - the only person from J's family who knows about the three of us. His reaction was 'go dad!' basically. He also rather likes my little sister Esme and flirts with her relentlessly. OK, my little sister... so C is 29 and my sister is 33.
lucymorningstar: (McKay)
A skype video phone sex session with S&J when they're both needing to let off steam is fun. Not near as much fun as in person but still, all sex is good sex. Directed self-bondage and orgasm play. Good times.

I've spent a lot of time on the phone/texting with S today reminding her why she's not allowed to kill or main either of her husband's brothers.

Fucking hell this house is tidy. Apparently I stress clean.

I've got my weekly spread set up for next week in my bullet journal. A two page week-at-a-glance with things to remember, important dates, blog ideas. A meal plan. A gratitude log. A goals/to-do list. It's not perfect, I've a few ideas to refine it for the next one but as a first go? I quite like it.
I've sketched out how I think my dailies are going to look but I'll know for sure on Monday if it works.

I am officially in love with my shiny new Staedtler 334 C36 Triplus Fineliners <3
I really want the stickers and stencils I've ordered to get here soon

Bryan Adams singing "If you wanna be bad, you gotta be good" makes my toes curl. I wanna be her lover - I wanna her be her slave

J's bought us tickets to see Civil War on Friday. This film is going to cause a civil war... I'm #teamcap, J's the wrong team. S is 'team I don't bloody care it's only a film will you two shut up already?'
I just hope he's in the right frame of mind to enjoy it. I hope we all are.

There was something else but I'm falling asleep. Tomorrow I want to finish cleaning the third floor play rooms and draft up a meal plan for the week, run that by S.
For now though, there wil be sleep.


Apr. 23rd, 2016 08:57 am
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
I ended up having a soak in the tub last night, before curling up in bed and watching a couple of episodes of Arrow. I took a sleeping pill so I was able to sleep kind of ok, although I feel fuzzy and weird this morning.

I've done an online grocery shop which will be delivered tomorrow. It felt weird not going around the store with J - a lot less fun doing it that way! Cheaper too.

I'm currently curled up in bed still, eating chocolate granola, listening to some music and writing out my to-do list for today. I want to spend some time playing around with different layouts for weekly and monthly spreads in my bullet journal.
I also want to add a links page to my website over at

I'm actually going to recommend this song. It's called My Name Is Trouble by a band called Jess & The Bandits

Um. So a couple of you asked yesterday about what J's family know about us. J's family don't know about me. He had a very strained relationship with them anyway - he's the youngest and the black sheep in many ways. They disagreed with a lot of the choices he's made - they're very, proper, I guess. They flipped when he divorced his first wife. They never approved of S. His son from his first marriage is the only person who knows (that we know of)
S's close family - her dad and brother - know. Her dad mostly just laughed and said one person would never be enough for S to worry about!
My parents only know about J - and were worried enough about the age difference. J is only one years younger than my mum! My older brother and younger sisters knows, I don't know what my older sister knows.

We all decided between us so J's family not knowing about me doesn't bother me. It's more that I want to be there for him. I love him and he's hurting and I'm feeling helpless. I know there wasn't anything I could really do even if I was there but even so!
lucymorningstar: (Harry)
I want to curl up and cry. I want to scream and yell and throw things. I want to do everything and nothing and am mostly ending up sitting here, staring into space.

J's mum passed away yesterday. Peacefully, in her sleep, at the grand age of 95. J&S have gone to be with family. Family don't know about me so I'm stuck here on my own. Which is weird. And it's Friday night which is the night we all do someting together, usually a meal and a film.

I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. Which is weird. I have no reason to be.
I feel horrible for J :( I wish I could be there for him.

I have a pounding headache and feel sick. I feel like I've forgotten to do something, but I don't know what. I'm still not sleeping right. I also hate sleeping alone.

Woe is me.


I'm Lucy, a 30-something woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing.

I'm bisexual and poly, living in North Wales with my partners J&S. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

I haved lived for so long under the shadow of a number of mental health diagnoses, letting them define me rather than just be part of me. For too long I've been "Lucy the Schizo" and I want to find out who 'Lucy' is
Welcome aboard my journey. I'm glad you're here and looking forward to getting to know you as we get to know me!

♥ Current Obsessions ♥
Aliens. Angels. Bullet Journals. Cryptozoology. Dinosaurs. Doctor Who. Fanfiction. Knitting. Marvel. Space. Time travel. Wonder Woman.


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