Lux

New shiny

2020-01-08T13:47:11Z

You know how yesterday I was saying I didn't have any community recommendations because I don't know of any? Well, I have just discovered one that's pretty new and has the potential to be utterly amazing! It's prodigal_kink and it's a Prodigal Son Kinkmeme. Finding it has made me very happy because I'm a little bit in love with the show right now.

I've left a couple of prompts, but It's not a fandom I want to write in. And I'm not completely sure what kind of fic I want from the fandom yet. I've started exploring AO3 and there's all kinds of pairings and fic and I'm having a lot of fun. It's making me want all kinds of kink and dubcon and reallywrong pairings though.

S has an afternoon off today so J and I are introducing her to the show as well. I'm watching the pilot episode of the first time and finding new things about it each time. I'm also loving it more and more. S seems to be enjoying it. But I'm having one of those 'can't concentrate on jut one thing' so I'm distracting half my brain with the internet while watching.

Now, where can I find DW icons for the show? Anyone know?

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Fandom Snowflake Challenge #4

2020-01-07T15:59:23Z

I'm not doing challenge #3 because I don't have any communities etc to recommend, but I've been enjoying going through everyone elses recommendations and discovering new-to-me places on DW

Challenge #4

In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I want to blog more. I seem to have lost doing that in the last 18 months or so and I'm missing it. snowflake_challenge seems to be a good kickstart to getting back into it and I hope the momentum continues.

I want to write fanfic. I have ideas for lovely Daniel/Jack BDSM fic, I have a beautiful image in my head of Jack strapped down on a spanking bench and Daniel with a paddle. But I don't know if I know how to write.

Non-fannish goals include
Study something related to space
Keep taking my medication. Keep going to therapy. Try & stop overthinking things
Talk J&S into a beach holiday somewhere hot.
Try meditating and mindfulness

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Fandom Snowflake Challenge #2

2020-01-07T09:49:10Z

To know where we are, we must know where we’ve been. Fanlore keeps up with the history of fandom as a whole, but what is your personal fannish history? How did you get here and now in fandom? What detours, curves, or shortcuts did you take in your journey? What were your first influences? Your most important influences?

Challenge #2

In your own space, talk about your fannish history. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I grew up fannishly. My parents were huge fans of the Chronicles Of Narnia, my siblings and I are named after the characters - Peter, Susan, and myself Lucy (the Pevensies), Esme is a feminine form of Edmund (Pevensie) and Polly (from The Magician's Nephew). I grew up with the stories, and with the BBC Adaptations in the late 90s. I spent many summers as a child trying to walk through wardrobes and and talk to animals. I'm still devastated I've never found a Faun.

Like many a child in the UK, I grew up watching Doctor Who in the 80s, and the original Star Wars movies on VHS. We used to make up and act out our own stories, often combining Narnia with Doctor Who and Star Wars, and Enid Blyton characters and often featuring a Psammead. It was only growing older that I found out this wasn't 'normal' and that I was 'too old' for an imaginary friend (although, it was later discovered that this imaginary best friend was a delusion. As I went into the 90s, and was watching Star Trek and The X-Files, I'd still imagine the stories - but at this point I don't know whether or not this was the not being able to tell the difference between fiction and reality because of undiagnosed schizoaffective. And, to be quite honest, I don't care. I loved it at the time.

I've always loved watching sci-fi shows and movies, and superhero/comic book movies through the 90s and into the 00s, and had loved how over the last decade its become more mainstream and when you mention things like Iron Man or Wolverine, people know what you're talking about.

I only discovered online fandom about 4 years ago. I was looking up the show Lucifer which I'd just fallen in love with - and through googling, I found Twitter, Tumblr and Dreamwidth. I'm not really active in any fandoms but I enjoy reading fanfic for Stargate SG-1 (Jack/Daniel) and Stargate: Atlantis (McShep or Shex) and have written a couple of SG-1 fics. I've also started reading Good Omens fic and started looking at Prodigal Son - but not really sure what I'm looking for fic,wise.

I think my main fandoms now are Marvel movies, Stargate, Star Wars, Good Omens, Prodigal Son, Doctor Who, and Chronicles Of Narnia.

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Fandom Snowflake Challenge #1

2020-01-06T10:24:18Z

I've seen a few people taking part in snowflake_challenge and thought it seemed like fun and hopefully a good way to get back into blogging. I never know what to blog about so these prompts should help with that.

The first challenge is

In your own space, introduce yourself! Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

If you already have a sticky post or full bio, make sure they’re up to date so that people visiting your journal can learn something about you. Update your interests; make sure your fic posts are current; check that all your links work, etc. If you don’t already have a post introducing yourself, create one!

I always find introducing myself really hard, trying to find the line between not enough and too munch information. But, here goes nothing.

Hi, I'm Lucy. I'm a 41-year old bisexual, polyamorous, submissive, English woman living in South Wales my partners of 9 years, J & S.

I've suffered with mental illness since I was a teenager and have both ADHD and Schizoaffective disorder - think all the fun of schizophrenia with all the fun of being bipolar. I'm pretty extraverted (yet socially awkward) and sarcastic, and have been told I have a warped sense of humour. I don't have a clear sense of where 'the line' is. I'm a pessimist yet a big kid at heart.

I'm a homemaker, I love to bake and cook (and eat) and organise. I find cleaning to be very therapeutic. I hate gardening and DIY.

I'm a fan of 80s rock music, science-fiction, urban fantasy and superheros (both Marvel and DC). I love to play boardgames, knit and have recently taken up yoga. I love angels, anthropology, bullet journals, cryptozoology, dinosaurs, doctor who, elephants, ghosts, good omens, lucifer, mythology, paranormal, space, star wars, and time travel. I'm currently a little bit obsessed with learning about serial killers. I can lose myself in a game of Tetris, Solitaire or Candy Crush for hours.

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The Rise Of Skywalker

2019-12-20T18:42:19Z

I need a Star Wars icon, or a few million of them. I am completely in love again right now. I'd forgotten how much I love Star War when it's good. I hadn't realised quite how much TLJ had let me down until I was watching TROS, which was just incredible.

I cried so much. I knew that I would but I didn't realise how much. Me and S, ( at one point ), were both sobbing in utter hysterics. I think J was ready to disown us! LOL There's a whole bit of the film I missed because I literally couldn't see the screen from tears. We are totally going to have to go again. Gosh, what an absolute shame! I actually had a headache this morning from crying!

I loved how much of Luke, Leia and Han we got. As much as I adore Rey, Poe and Finn (especially Poe *hearteyes*), I was kinda worried after they'd already killed off Luke and Han, that were they were going to complete ignore them. And I loved all the nods to the original trilogy but how at the same time, it was something completely new. There was pretty much as much squeeing and gasping and cheering as there was crying.

I don't have the brain to write a proper review - or really know how to go about doing so - so instead I'm just going to sit here and flail because I don't want to spoil anyone!

I maybe also want OT3 fic...

Also, I keep meaning to come back to DW, I really do but I have nothing to talk about. Which is how and why I'm here today after seeing Star Wars last night. Maybe I should find one of those 30 day memes or something to kickstart January and get back into the habit. As I'm sitting here typing, and I was reading and commenting on my flist as well, I really missed this!

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It's alive

2019-11-17T21:57:10Z

Hello Dreamwidth

I'm going to pretend it hasn't been... most of the year since I've updated and just straight back on in with blogging.

Today is my birthday. Happy birthday to me. 41 years old. I suppose I should change all my profile shit to say '40-something' instead of 30-something. My main present from J&S was a new computer which I'm sitting on to write this post. Yay shiny new tech.

The first thing I've done is come online, re-customise my browser, sign in to social meda and now I'm working my way through a seriously fucking high number of emails. I always seem to be doing that. Maybe I should try coming online more often and keeping on top the emails. I'm also logging all the books I've read since the summer on Goodreads - bless my Bujo for helping me remember what books I've read and the ratings I've given them.

Other than that, things are good. S went back to work at the start of the semester, it took her 6 weeks or so to get back into the swing of things. J and I are still missing having her home all day and we're finding our feet with the new schedule, it's still a work-in-progress but we're getting there are things are good.

I don't really have anything to say. You'd think I would, after such a long time. I guess I need to get back into the swing of blogging, find my voice again.

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lucymorningstar @ 2019-05-05T21:41:00

2019-05-05T20:41:34Z

You Want Me (1477 words) by lucymorningstar
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Additional Tags: Unresolved Sexual Tension, Angst, Drunken Confessions
Notes: Thank you to flowerswithgraves for the super fast beta ♥.
Summary: A drunk Daniel turns up on Jack's doorstep. He wants Jack, he knows Jack wants him. All he has to do is persuade Jack.

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Extraordinary

2019-05-05T17:55:50Z

I've had a really good day today, despite the fact I've caught a cold and haven't been able to stop coughing or sneezing all day. But I've taken lemsip and plenty of cough sweets and I've been relegated to the couch.

I'd got my inbox down to 1500 last night and my goal for today was to half that again down to 750. I'm currently down to 950 so I'm not doing too badly. I have also written 1500 words of a Jack/Daniel story where a drunk Daniel turns up on Jack's doorstop to proposition him.

Speaking of Jack - although mine and not O'Neill - I have not been the only one punished this weekend for computer-related behaviour. My ass is still a little tender after the spanking S gave me and I wasn't allowed to particpate in Sunday morning play time. Although that's part punishment and part because I'm not well.

J has been in serious trouble all weekend. He got a tablet for Christmas but with everything that's been going on, he hadn't been using it. He's just started, been mostly using it for word games and crosswords and football stuff but he's got this farming game he's got addicted to. It's hilarious because a few years ago when I played Farmville he used to mock me, but he's got completely addicted to this game. And yesterday morning when he and S were getting ready to go to Tesco, he was on his tablet and when she said it was time to leave, he didn't even look up from his game, just said "in a sec, love."

S took the tablet off him, and he's spent most of today with bondage mitts on his hands so he's not been able to do anything. And when he whined, she gagged him. For the rest of the week, he's only allowed his tablet for an hour a day!

This afternoon has been spent with Jack pouting, I've been continuing to clear my inbox and writing and S has been watching The Blacklist. I've been half-watching but not really paying attention. James Spader is still incredibly easy on the eyes, isn't he?

I've just asked in the Spacemonkey group on Facebook about a beta as I have no idea how I'd go about finding one. I was going to say something else but the kitchen timer dinged to tell me that the tuna casserole I'm cooking is done so I should go and sort dinner out. Wonder if S is going to take the mitts of J's hands so he can eat?

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lucymorningstar @ 2019-05-04T16:12:00

2019-05-04T15:16:40Z

So. Whoops. It's been... a few months since I updated here. Things have been rough - J & S have both blogged about the state of us so I'm not going to bore you with repeating it. S has been poking me to get back onto dreamwidth because she knows it helps my mental state as a kind of brain dump activity, similar to what I do in my bullet journal like.

But then today, she also found out/realised that I haven't even checked my email since like September. To say that I'm a Lucy in trouble would be something of an understatement! I had over 3000 unread emails. I hadn't even realised and I feel terrible about it! I know have a very sore ass courtesy of S and have been told that I will be spending the long weekend bringing my inbox down to zero. I'm a little hysterical at the thought and, of course, she won't let me delete any.

Wish me luck

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lucymorningstar @ 2018-12-10T21:57:00

2018-12-10T21:57:11Z

It's funny, even though I don't work outside the house, I don't like Monday mornings. I love spending the weekends with S, even though we didn't see her much this weekend because she was working. But Monday mornings when she gets up and goes to work it's the end of the weekend.

I got into the habit of getting up with her and J and I'm still in the habit of doing it. Get the coffee maker on, make breakfast and see her off. J sometimes joins us, reads the paper while having breakfast and sometimes stays in bed. Routine isn't as important for him.

Today I took out the recycling and emptied the bins. Cleaned the bathrooms, wiped down the kitchen counters, swept the kitchen floor, did some general decluttering and did laundry. There was a strange smell in the kitchen which J and I eventually narrowed down to being the drain from the sink. He did some quick work on it, we cleared the blockage and I hadn't even noticed it wasn't draining as quickly as it did. I aired the kitchen out and the smell has cleared nicely.

This afternoon I made donuts, wrapped up my sisters Christmas presents, read and watched some TV. I made plans to meet up with my friend David in the New Year

I live such an exciting life, don't I?

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A Lady who Lunches

2018-12-08T20:49:05Z

I had a lovely meal with my friends John and Ben this afternoon. We thought about going into Cardiff city centre but ended up just going a local pub. I had sausage, egg, chips and beans and two large doorstep slices of bread and butter.

I hadn't seen the boys since the summer so we had a lovely couple of hours catching up. They've recently come back from a holiday in Rome and Venice and their pictures looked amazing. Those are both places I'd love to go one day.

I was really tired when I got home, not particulary sure why so I had a nap. S was taking a break from grading and she was stressed and exhausted (she didn't sleep well last night) so she came and napped with me. It's amazing how rejuvenating a good nap and a cuddle can be.

We ordered in some Chinese takeout - it's S's favourite, she'd live on the stuff if she could. J thought she could probably use a treat and he's right.

Now, she's back in her study but she says the end is almost in sight. J and I are curled up watching The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina on Netflix. I'm entirely sure what I think about it. It's nothing like Sabrina The Teenage Witch which I think makes it easy to take as being a show in and of itself because I'm not comparing it. It's very dark in tone and goes in ways I would never have expected. I don't like Hilda & Zelda though Sabrina is very pretty.

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It's alive!

2018-12-08T10:26:12Z

I see someone injected Dreamwidth with some adrenalin while I wasn't looking. I've come back today and there's people everywhere and my circle is swelling and I don't think I've ever had to go so far back in my reading page... this is awesome!

As tempting as it is to go through the friending memes and the addme communities and add everyone... I think I need to get used to actually having an active page to keep up with before I add even more new people than I already have.

Even S said to me yesterday that she suddenly saw why online communities can be so much fun when there's actually things happening.

Hi to all my new friends, welcome. I'll try to be interesting and cool and all those other things but we all know I won't be haha. I'm excited to meet you all and I'm looking forward to getting to know you. I think all the important information about me is in my profile but if there's anything you're DYING to know, just ask!

I've just got back from grocery shopping with J. He's now futzing around with his Spotify and doing a crossword. S is sequestered away in her study marking exams and papers and is a little stressed. I'm killing time before I meet up with a friend for lunch.

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SGA and December memes

2018-12-01T19:50:46Z

I just joined a bunch of Stargate: Atlantis and McShep communities I found. I'm excited to read some new fic and I seriously love that there's still new creating happening even after the show's been off air for so long. I didn't even know I shipped them until it crept up on me.

I wish I could write though. I've tred and it's definitely not a skill I have. I keep telling myself that writers need readers - now I just have to figure out that whole leaving feedback thing. It seems like people don't appreciate comments like "loved it" though and that's all I really know how to say.

On a completely different note zhelana has a December meme posted in her journal which I'm planning on stealing. I'm hoping to get online regularly enough to do it - and also hoping that having a 'challenge' of a type might inspire me to.

( December 1 - A photo of you taken this year ) and... this is something of a First for me, posting a picture of myself online.

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Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight

2018-12-01T18:52:27Z

I think when I've finished reading the Discworld books, I'm due for a Narnia re-read. I haven't read them in at least a couple of years and I'm feeling drawn back to the world.

I've always loved them - and the shows and movies based on them. Maybe I'm pre-disposed to it being named after one of the Pevensie siblings and having been brought up with the stories. Although it's funny because Peter & Susan grew to hate them and Polly & Esme are pretty ambivalent.

But me? No, I love the whole shebang.
I love the books.
I love the recent movies.
I utterly adore the BBC shows from the late 80s/early 90s.
I am super excited to see what Netflix do now that they have the rights for the full series.
I really really really want Magicians's Nephew to actually be adapted this time!

Me? I love them.
I want to stumble through a wardrobe, discover a world in perpetual winter and become a queen. I want to live int he Golden Age.
I want to help Caspian save the Narnian's when only Aslan's magic can help
I want to sail on the Dawn Treader to the edges of the world to find the seven lords
I want to find Rilian and avenge his mothers death
I want to flee to Narnia on my talking horse
I want to experiment with magic rings, find the place between, awaken Jadis and watch Aslan bring Narnia to life
and I want to be there for the end of the world, to fight for it and to be lead to the "true" Narnia.

I

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Once upon a time...

2018-08-05T13:16:45Z

questionoftheday asks: Do you prefer paper books or ebooks? What are your opinions regarding one over the other?

My answer: Ebooks, most definitely.

I've got ADHD and my attention span is appalling. I'd always get distracted and stressed out by how much more of the book there was but with my kindle, it doesn't matter how long the book is, it's the same shape and size and weight, and all there is, is the one page that's in front of me. I also like that I can change the colour of the page, the colour/size and font type to make it work better for me. I've read more books in the last 18 months than I've read in my entire life!

I have already read 30 books this year which, if you'd told me a couple of years ago I could read that many books in 6 months I would have laughed at you. I'm averaging something like a book a week. I'm currently reading Equal Rites, one of the Discworld books by Terry Pratchett and it is wonderful. Laugh out loud funy and larger than life characters and just the whole world is bursting.

I've read the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan, I've read the Clockwork Century series by Cherie Priest, the Guardians series by William Joyce and I've read the Keys To The Kingdom series by Garth Nix. I've discovered there are Stargate SG-1 books.

I'm excited to read and can quite happily curl up in our library room of an evening with my kindle. It's funy, you'll often get all three of us sitting there, each with our books and a drink, some music playing quietly and we're all lost in our own books. Jack and Sam always used to do that but I never joined them because I couldn't concentrate on reading a book but I love being able to join them. It's a lovely way of winding down before bed and I even look forward to it

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Icons and layouts

2018-08-04T11:52:26Z

I am officially bored with the icons I've got. I've been using them a while. And I think I'm growing bored of my layout as well.

Any recommendations of awesome communities for obtaining shiny new ones?

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I Did A Thing

2018-07-01T10:05:28Z

I'm very tired after traipsing around the Bay yesterday but I have the start of a lovely tan. Sadly I'm a little dehydrated so I'm staying out of the sun this morning and trying to get enough water in me. Sam and Jack are in the garden with Jason and Ellie. The men are supposed to be putting up the garden shed but when I came back inside, Ellie was teaching Jack some martial arts moves. Her dad runs a martial arts studio so she's been doing them since she could walk. Don't ask me what type because I don't know.

I love watch Jack with kids, you can tell he really loves them and he's so good with them. I know he missed out on a lot of his son's life being deployed overseas and I know how much that killed him. Kids were never in our life plan though and he's always been ok with that. Sam and I are neither of us maternal. But sometimes, watching him with kids, my hearts just explodes. And when you watch Sam watching him, hers does as well.

That's not what I sat down to write about though. I signed up to Camp Nano this month. I want to write. I have an idea for this Jack/Daniel fic and I've been toying with it a while but I think I needed a... nudge or a push or an excuseto sit down and start writing. So I signed up with a goal of 3000 words - that's just 100 words a day. I've written 102 words while sitting here which is really exciting me and I'm hoping that I can get the story finished over the course of the month!

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Friday Five on a Sunday

2018-05-27T16:48:46Z

This week's thefridayfive is a

Would you rather [entertainment version]...
1. Download music // buy a CD
Mostly I stream, I listen on Spotify but if it's an artist who I love and want to support, I will buy the physical CD. I still have hundreds of CDs and I don't like the idea of paying to buy something I won't actually own, if that makes sense.

2. Use MP3 player // Use CD Player
I don't own an mp3 player since my last ipod died years ago. I have itunes on my phone, I have spotify on my phone and I do have an old CD player

3. Watch a movie at a theater // Rent a video
A video? What is this, 1998? I tend to rent movies on Amazon but by DVDs, but when it comes to that or going to the cinema, I love both - I love going to the cinema for the full effect but I also love curling up with J&S and watching a DVD or something on the TV

4. Amusement park for the day // Picnic in a park for a day5. Read a magazine // Dollage with a magazine
Definitely read, although i'm not sure what dollage is. Magazines I find easy to read. Plenty of pictures, not long articles and the layouts help keep my attention

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With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah

2018-05-20T10:36:45Z

I subscribed to the Bon Jovi youtube channel the other day and I've been slowly working my way through every single video posted, starting at the oldest. There's the music videos, live videos, acoustic performances. It's amazing. So many songs that I'd forgotten how much I love, how much I loved Bon Jovi. How much I still love those songs.

One of the videos I watched was a performance of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. It's not a song that suits Jon's voice in my opinion and he sounded like he was struggling. I was about to hit stop and watch another when Richie's voice soared in the harmony and... wow! ... yeah Hallelujah about covered it. It was beautiful and I miss hearing him sing and play with the band.

I still have a few thousand videos to watch so if anyone's looking for me, come find me somewhere in the Bon Jovi youtube channel!

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Give Blood

2018-05-19T13:19:14Z

I had an appointment to give blood yesterday, only to discover I'm not actually eligible to do so - and not for the reason I expected.

I was expecting them to say that I couldn't donate because of the medications I'm on, because of my mental health - that kind of thing.

I was no expecting it to be because of J. Apparently, as a woman, I cannot donate for at least three months after sex with a man who has ever had anal or oral sex with another man. J has slept with two guys in the last 50 years he's been sexually active, and the last time was 13 years ago.

So he can give blood, because it says a man cannot give blood within 3 months of having sex with another man. But unless me or S don't have sex with J for 3 months, we can't give blood.

How does that even make sense? S has run up Welsh Blood Services and they've confirmed it as well.

Even more frustrating is that I'm blood type O so I'm a universal donor. The whole thing makes no sense!

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Things I Love

2018-05-12T14:58:13Z

Things are going to get very stressful around here very quickly. We are moving again at the end of the month and I know that it has an effect on my mental health. Last year I wasn't prepared for it and I ended up in hospital. This year, I want to be a little more prepared.

Self-care is really important but it's easy to forget. Even though social media is full of people posting photos of colourful bath water, books and candles - but that's more Sam's style of self-care than it is mine. Jack's would involve gardening or fishing or a crossword.

I wanted a list to look at whenever I need cheering up, or if I'm feeling stressed out and can't think of ways to de-stress. But I wanted one that was specific, without tons of suggestions that aren't relevant to me. So instead of spending hours on pinterest and instagram, I decided to write down what makes me happy. My happy list.

Things to do to cheer myself up or calm myself down
1. Watch planner videos on youtube
There's something really relaxing about watching other people plan their lives, and I love getting the inspiration from their layouts. My current favourite planners are Sunshine & Stationery and MyLifeInABullet but BohoBerry and Caitlin's Corner and Christina77star and alexandraplans are also good channels to watch

2. Knit
I'm still learning and can still only do really basic stitches but I find the repetitive motion to be soothing but I can't concentrate on it for very long. Happiness is not made of dropping stitches and losing count!

3. Watch MacGyver
Or Stargate SG1. Basically spend some time admiring Richard Dean Anderson. What can I say, I adore that man and his smile makes me giddy like a schoolgirl
(The list was going to say Watch Lucifer but I'm still too upset over the cancellation :( )

4. Clean/Organise something
I find cleaning very therapeutic. I think it's the obvious act of clearing a mess, tidying things, making things organised. It's something I can take control of, it's an achievable goal and it gives me a sense of accomplishment

5. Watch Harry Potter
Especially Prisoner Of Azkaban, because it's always my favourite. I have serious amounts of love for Sirius and Remus, and I like the style and feel and look of the film.

6. Play Cards Against Humanity
It's become a fast favourite game of mine, Jack's and Sam's - it's absolutely hilarious and we can lose ourselves for hours playing it. Great way to take our minds off everything and just relax and have fun

7. Go for a walk
Fresh air and exercise - always a good mix to clear the head and will also get me out of the house for a while and give me a break from packing and related stresses. Also if I take the dogs and Jack with me for company and we can go somewhere really pretty in the car then walk.

8. Make a hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows
Add some caramel sauce and use a nice mug as well. Because nice big mugs make everything better and the combination will feel like a wonderfully warming hug.

9. Bake or cook something
It feels a little like creating magic, taking a handful of ingredients and making something tasty out of it. It makes the house smell amazing as well - is ther anything better than the smell of, for example, bread baking?

10. Have a nap
Preferably with either Sam or Jack - or both. Curl up under warm, fresh, sheets and have a cuddle, drift off to sleep with the people I love and lose myself in a good dream.

11. Watch a Marvel marathon
Steve Rogers has special powers that make Lucy feel better. I love the way the first part of the series, the way each of the characters is introduced and the team is formed. I think it's great cinema.

12. Do some yoga
I've been doing yoga for about a year now, Sam & I attend local classes although she tends to prefer pilates. I'm not claiming to be any good but I like how it makes me feel, like my mind and body are connected and I have a sense of peace

13. Have a good cry
Sometimes the healthiest thing to do is just let it out and have a really good cry. But keep it short. And use the really nice, soft, balsalm tissues.

14. Listen to some loud 80s rock music
If no-one's around and I'm home alone, I will turn the volume up, dance around in my socks, sing along using a hairbrush as a microphone and bang my head. If I'm not alone, it's just played on headphones and I close my eyes and listen.

15. Buy myself a small gift
Nothing extravagant - usually some stationery, some pens, some notebooks or something with elephants or unicorms - because it's nice to treat myself to something small to make myself feel better

16. Call a friend
It's good to talk, after all and just listening to someone else can get me out of my head. So I'll call one of my sisters, or my brother, or my parents. Or someone like my friends Jason or John or Ben can always get me out of a funk and make me laugh - they've always got funny stories about their kids

17. Make a list of all the good things in my life
Things like this usually end up as being a bullet journal collection and it's always nice to be able to sit down and think about the good things, the things that make me happy and just enjoy the feeling of them. Although this one's a blog post.

18. Tell Jack and Sam that I love them
It's such a small thing but have you ever noticed how the person you say it to lights up and then being able to do that for them makes you feel better too.

19. Buy a nice box of chocolates
And don’t share them with anyone. Not even Jack. No matter how much he pouts at me

20. Indulge in some BDSM
OK so I'm a submissive but I can still ask to be dominate, I can ask Sam or Jack to tie me up or spank me. When I go into subspace, there's nothing else that matters than obeying my dominant. Endorphins are a wonderful thing. And if it comes with bonus orgasms, even better!

So that's it. My happy list. It was a lot harder to write than I expected it to be and it's taken me almost two hours but just writing it has made me smile so I know that having it is going to help me when I'm feeling down or stressed out.

What's on your happy list?

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101 Things In 1001 Days

2018-05-12T09:27:36Z

Thinking about who I am also made me think about what the best version of me looks like, about who I want to be and what I want to do. I'm not quite 40 so it's not too late to figure out what I want for my life. Hopefully I'm only half-ish way through it after all.

I'd like to get back onto being healthy as I was in previous years. I still have about 30lb of weight I'd like to lose.
I'd like to continue finding my balanced mental state.
I still want to actually take my GCSE exams.
I want to be more creative. I want to find out how to make videos and have a bullet journal youtube channel and instagram account - or at least try.
I want a tattoo

I also came across a website you're probably all familiar with - https://www.dayzeroproject.com/'s 101 Things In 1001 Days.

The Challenge: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on your part).

Why 1001 Days? Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple challenges such as New Year's resolutions or a 'Bucket List'. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips, study semesters, or outdoor activities.

My profile on the site is https://www.dayzeroproject.com/user/lucymorningstar and my list ( looks like this )

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Who I Am

2018-05-06T15:24:36Z

OK so I've been thinking for the last couple of days about that whole thinking of myself as a person and not as my illness that the therapist wants me to do, and about how I'm going to introduce myself and this is what I've come up with

Hi! I'm Lucy. I'm 39 years old and still trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing - I never believe anyone who thinks they know what's going on!

I'm a Scorpio born in the Year Of The Horse, an ESTJ, sorted into Hufflepuff, align as neutral evil and am basically a hopeless romantic. I will happily call myself a geek .

I'm a bisexual, polyamorous, English woman living in South Wales my partners of 8 years, Jack & Samantha.

I'm a homemaker, I love to bake and cook (and eat) and organise. I find cleaning to be very therapeutic. I hate gardening and DIY - but luckily Jack loves them.

I'm a fan of 80s rock music, science-fiction, urban fantasy and superheros (both Marvel and DC). I love to play boardgames, knit and have recently taken up yoga and zumba. I've started getting into steampunk and really want to learn more. I'm totally obsessed with Angels, bullet journals, cryptozoology and space. I left school with no qualifications but I'm currently studying English, Maths, Science and German. My favourite colours are blue and purple. My favourite smell is baking bread. My favourite animal is a unicorn.

I've suffered with mental illness since I was a teenager and have both ADHD and Schizoaffective disorder - think all the fun of schizophrenia with all the fun of being bipolar. I'm pretty extraverted (yet socially awkward) and sarcastic, and have been told I have a warped sense of humour. I don't have a clear sense of where 'the line' is. I'm a pessimist yet a big kid at heart.

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Who Am I?

2018-05-01T18:04:14Z

My new therapist who, for the record, is actually pretty awesome has given me homework and I'm not sure what I think about it. Logically I know it's good and pushing me but I'm already exhausted from the session and getting over the flu and trying to find all the excuses not to do it. Because procrastination.I am going to do it though

So she wants me to stop thinking of myself as 'Lucy the schizophrenic' and start thinking of myself just as Lucy. She wants to be to be able to introduce myself at our next session at the end of the week - but I'm not entirely sure how to do that.

How do I write an introduction to me?!

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People don't resist change. They resist being changed

2018-01-07T13:21:51Z

I don't like change, never have done. It doesn't matter if it's a big change - like moving house - or little changes - like a website being redesigned. I'm not good with dealing with the change.

It's the latter that's got me wigged out today. A website I like and visit regularly has unveiled a new look. I get that it's 'cleaner' and 'clearer' and looks more professional etc which was the point of the revamp but it's taking me a while to get used to it. It's definitely easier to read but it feels less friendly and I'm having difficulty with the new menu - things aren't where I'm expecting them to be.

I know it's a silly little thing to bother me, a first world problem as it were and I don't like that it upsets me so much. I also know it's not something I can control. I just have to work on it, work on getting used to the new site. Which I'm doing.

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