lucymorningstar: (Default)
Considering the first thing I had to do was look up what my zodiac sign even is, I think it tells you a lot about how much stock I put into such things. It appeas that being born on November 17th makes me Scorpio. I've learned something new today. Continuing googling, I learn from a website called that
Strengths: Resourceful, brave, passionate, stubborn, a true friend
Weaknesses: Distrusting, jealous, secretive, violent
Scorpio likes: Truth, facts, being right, longtime friends, teasing, a grand passion
Scorpio dislikes: Dishonesty, revealing secrets, passive people

Scorpio-born are passionate and assertive people. They are determined and decisive, and will research until they find out the truth. Scorpio is a great leader, always aware of the situation and also features prominently in resourcefulness.

Scorpio is a Water sign and lives to experience and express emotions. Although emotions are very important for Scorpio, they manifest them differently than other water signs. In any case, you can be sure that the Scorpio will keep your secrets, whatever they may be.

Pluto is the planet of transformation and regeneration, and also the ruler of this zodiac sign. Scorpios are known by their calm and cool behavior, and by their mysterious appearance. People often say that Scorpio-born are fierce, probably because they understand very well the rules of the universe. Some Scorpio-born can look older than they actually are. They are excellent leaders because they are very dedicated to what they do. Scorpios hate dishonesty and they can be very jealous and suspicious, so they need to learn how to adapt more easily to different human behaviors. Scorpios are brave and therefore they have a lot of friends

Let's see - yes, I agree that I'm passionate and stubborn and probably pretty brave. I definitely appreciate being told the truth, having my friends for a long time and a certain type of teasing! I also agree with hating dishonesty.
I don't agree with being 'Distrusting, jealous, secretive, violent' at ALL.
I'm not the most assertive person in the world, but I do like to think I'm a fact-finder and will dig til I find the truth. When I'm in the right frame of mind then yes, I'm very aware of the situation... probably hyper-aware sometimes.
I'm very emotional that's true. I'm definitely not 'cool and calm' or mysterious!
I'm not a good leader, I'm not jealous and suspicious and I don't really have a lot of friends.

So there you have it. I don't particularly think I'm a very typical Scorpio
lucymorningstar: (John)
I'm trying really hard not to over-think the meaning of an interesting fact and just go straight into listing them.

1) I was named after the character of Lucy Pevensie from The Chronicles Of Narnia - and the girl she was based on - June Flewett, Lady Freud. My full name is Lucy June Beatrice
2) I am the middle child of 5. I have one elder brother Peter, one elder sister Susan, and twin younger sisters Polly & Esme. We are all named for characters from the Narnia books
3) I'm in a poly triad relationship with J&S. We've been together 6 years
4) We have two cats (Jadis & Aslan - yes, carrying on the Narnia theme) and one dog (Odin)
5) I am fascinated by Angels
6) My favourite board game is Monopoly.
7) I have a keen interest in cryptozoology and the paranormal
8) I love science-fiction, especially when it involves space exploration
9) I have schizoaffective disorder and ADHD
10) I am ridiculously obsessed with my bulletjournal
11) I am completely addicted to watching planwithme videos on youtube
12) I really to plan the way the girls in the community do, but I'm not prepared to pay the price of the planners or the sticker sets
13) But I really want an Erin Condren Life Planner. Or a Travellers Notebook. Or a Filofax
14) I left school with no qualifications
15) I'm currently studying English, Maths, Science and German.
16) I can lose myself in Tetris for hours
17) Ditto for Solitaire
18) Elephants are my favourite animals
19) I'm really looking forward to the Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them movie coming out
20) And Rogue One
21) I've been listening to a lot of Aerosmith the last few days
22) I have had a huge crush on Richard Dean Anderson since he was MacGyver.
23) I love all the superhero movies of the last few years, especially Captain America.
24) Chocolate is one of my biggest weaknesses
25) Caffeine makes me sleepy
26) I'm very tactile and love cuddling wih J and/or S
27) I'm submissive to both my partners and love being tied up
28) I love orgasm control
29) I hate pain
30) For our first anniversary, J got me a blue stuffed unicorn. It still sits on the back of our couch

There you have it. 30 facts about me. I've no idea how interesting they are but those were the first 30 that sprang to mind.
lucymorningstar: (B&W Mac)
This time a topic I've thought long and hard about how to answer. My answer itself is very simple but it's the wording of it. I've also gone and learned how to do an post-cut thing so as to hide things from people who, for various reasons, wouldn't feel comfortable reading about it. The last thing I want is to accidentally trigger someone.

A time I thought about ending my own life )
lucymorningstar: (Brand New)
I think I need to speak to my doctor about my sleep again - as you can see, it's almost 1am and I'm wide awake. If current rouine is to be expected, I'll crash out around 01:45 and sleep really hard until about 5:30. And then spend most of the day feeling very groggy and tired and lethargic. It's been about a week now and I'm unhappy about it. Possibly an adjustment in dosage of something or other.

I've taken to sleeping in what gets designated as "my" room - second largest of the bedrooms and with staircase heading up to loft conversion - rather than our room. I don't want my lack of sleep disturbing J or S. Although 80% of the time, when I wake up, one of them - usually S - will be in the bed with me.

Lets see, what else is going on?

Watching NCIS earlier and it really is worth noting that Mark Harmon is a very attractive man. He's starting to look his age, but it's not detracting from his handsomeness.
Mark Weatherley, on the other hand, is not aging well. Although the older he gets, the more genius the casting of Robert Wagner as DiNozzo Snr is because WOW the resemblance is remarkable.
I've noticed that I've missed a couple of seasons of NCIS: Los Angeles and that there's an NCIS: New Orleans now as well, so I might make watching those a summer project.

Summer is always strange around here. We're hitting the time of year where the university students all go home for the summer but the tourists haven't descended yet. It's starting like a bit of a ghost town and it's quite spooky. It'll be like it another 6 weeks or so, then things will be insane in August. I like this time of year though because S basically takes these 6 weeks off. Come August, she'll be busy with organisation, prep, research, locking herself in the lab and doing stuff. But these 6 weeks, she just kicks back and enjoys her summer. J normally takes some time off too and we're talking about going away somewhere, maybe just a long weekend, maybe a week.

We need to get to see the new X Men movie.

I've found a couple of 30-day exercise challenges that I might try in June. My weight is coming down slowly and I always find healthy eating easier in the warmer weather.
So there's a 30-day ab challenge full of sit ups, crunches, leg raises and planks - and I need to work out the difference between a sit up and a crunch.
And there's a 30 day beginner fitness one full of lunges, leg raises, wall sits, squats, jumping jacks and other stuff I've never heard of so wil have to google.
I've also been looking at the beginner routine from Blogilates on Youtube.

Speaking of Youtube, I am so completely in love with watching Plan With Me videos. I may have mentioned this before. But it's basically just videos of people with their planners and sticker kits and doing their planning for the week ahead. There's something really calming and relaxing about it.
There's part of me that would love to do something like that but I am so not prepared to pay the price of that style of planner and throw in the cost of the sticker kits and it starts getting ridiculous

So I'll be sticking to my bullet journal. I've actually now bought myself a purple A5 Moleskine for doing it and some I think they're Inkmate pens. Hopefully the postman will bring them Tuesday so I can get everything set up in there before June properly starts on Wednesday. I've kept up with it for the whole of May, I've worked out what layouts and collections I like/work for me - I don't like stickers or embellishments, just nice and neat and functional. Mine isn't all artsy and creative like some of the really pretty ones you see out there but... well, why should I let that stop me doing what works for me?

I said about 30 day challenges. I might even get round to carrying on with that 30 day blog one. I thought about writing the answer to the next one in this post but it's a pretty depressing topic so I don't think I will. I'll answer that tomorrow - might need to figure out how to do one of those 'read the rest behind here' things because it's about suicide and I don't want to trigger anyone by them not scrolling/skipping past it.
lucymorningstar: (Pencil Circle)
I tend to have very much a live and let live attitude when it comes to recreational drugs and alcohol - other people can do with them as they please, and really it's none of my business. If I become concerned a friend may be abusing, however, I will step in and speak to them because as a friend, it is my business.
Maybe I sound hippocritical but there's a difference between using and abusing.

I drank a lot as a teenager and into my early twenties, smoked probably more than my fair share of weed. I found it helped to dim some of the stimulus but at the same time, oh fuck did it make me hallucinate. Though there was a kind of thought of at least I knew these ones were hallucinations.

Nowadays, I drink and smoke very much in moderation. The odd glass of wine or pint of beer, sometimes a cocktail or two when we go out. A joint every so often. I find I don't like how they screw with my medication or trigger some of my negative symptoms.
lucymorningstar: (Sunbeam)
Right, lets see if I can get back to that 30 day meme I meant to carry on posting... hah because that started off SO well, right?

Day 2 asks Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
I would be perfectly happy to still be exactly where I am, how utterly boring is that? I've just found a place - physically, emotionally and mentally - that's really good, that's REALLY good and it works. I'm happy and I want to stay here forever, if such a concept even exists.

Living here in North Wales with J&S. J will be retired, S will probaby have taken early retirement.
We may have a place somewhere warmer for the Winter - Spain or Italy - because J will be older and crankier with worse knees and back. God I'll be nearly 50 which is twice as long as I ever thought I'd live. I would love to be even more in control of my mental health issues, be better at identifying and managing what triggers me.

We definitely won't have any children - it's not something S or I want. Maybe C will have given J some grandchildren for him to spoil?
If I had my way, we'd have more animals.
S would have found the land to have a horse or a couple of horses. She loves to ride and doesn't get to do it too often which frustrates her.
J would love for us to travel more.

And just imagine if a relationship like ours was officially recognised and the three of us could be legally married

30 Day Meme

May. 3rd, 2016 10:50 pm
lucymorningstar: (Black Widow)
I found one of those 30 Day Memes that I was eager to try and I'd planned on starting it on Sunday but it's been a pretty insanely busy couple of days and I've been a little... y'know... tied up. I don't suppose there are any rules about starting it today instead though, and having it run 30 days from now instead?

It looks like this ) and so moving swiftly on to Day 1.
My current relationship

I have two wonderful partners, J&S - you may have heard me mention them before. J is a 63 year old guy, S is a 47 year old woman. We've been together for 6 years and living together for 5. THEY have been together for 18 years, married for 11. None of us knew we were polyamorous or planned to have this kind of relationship... it sort of just happened.

I met J in a BDSM club. He is a switch but was needing to Dom (S is also a Dom) and he was there not only with S's knowledge, but she was watching him. I knew he was either married or recently separated - he had a tanline on his ring finger. We played a couple of times, had a little bit of a fling really. After a couple of sessions, he turned around and told me his wife wanted to join in, was I interested? We all met, we had some drinks and then we played. A couple of times. We started all doing other things together, not just playing and... and somehow it sort of just... built from there. And the three of us are... the three of us.

There is no lying, there is no cheating. There is no sleeping around. It really pisses me off, and it really hurts, when people assume that I'm in some kind of open relationship and just fuck whoever I want, whenever I want. That J and/or S are doing the same.
There is no-one else for any of us. We are in a fully commited long-term relationship. It just happens that there's three of us, rather than the more socially acceptable two.


I'm Lucy, a 30-something woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing.

I'm bisexual and poly, living in North Wales with my partners J&S. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

I haved lived for so long under the shadow of a number of mental health diagnoses, letting them define me rather than just be part of me. For too long I've been "Lucy the Schizo" and I want to find out who 'Lucy' is
Welcome aboard my journey. I'm glad you're here and looking forward to getting to know you as we get to know me!

♥ Current Obsessions ♥
Aliens. Angels. Bullet Journals. Cryptozoology. Dinosaurs. Doctor Who. Fanfiction. Knitting. Marvel. Space. Time travel. Wonder Woman.


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